Stupid Tech Support

Me: “Hi my name is [name] from [company] internet tech support how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet is down.”

Me: “Alright what happens when you try to browse?”

Customer: “Nothing, the screen goes black every time I leave the computer for a few minutes. And I have to hold down the power button for it to come back but that restarts everything!”

Me: “Okay can you move the mouse?”

Customer: “I tried that it doesn’t work!”

Me: “Try pressing any key on the keyboard.”

Customer: “Okay, the screen isn’t black anymore, but my internet is still down.”

Me: “What does it say?”

Customer: “Owner logged in.”

Me: “Click on owner.”

Customer: “Okay internet is working now.”

Me: “Sir, that was your screen saver.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that is, but thanks for fixing the internet. Bye!”

Stupid Customers

Customer: “Hi, I recently bought a computer, and I seem to be having problems.”

Tech Support: “What type of problems?”

Customer: “Nothing seems to be working at all.”

Tech Support: “Hmmm, what kind of computer is it?”

Customer: “[brand].”

Tech Support: “Actually, we don’t sell that brand of computer here.”

Customer: “I know, I bought it from a friend of mine.”

Tech Support: “May I ask why you are calling us for support?”

Customer: “Aren’t you a computer store?”

Tech Support: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, I was in there yesterday.”

Tech Support: “And you bought something from us?”

Customer: “No, but you sell computers so you should fix them.”

Tech Support: “Did we sell your computer to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Did we sell anything to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Why should we be supporting something we didn’t sell you?”

Customer: “Well, who should I be calling?”

Tech Support: “Probably your friend, or the manufacturer of the computer.”

Customer: “You are not very much help, you know.”

Tech Support: “I am sorry but there is not much I can do for you, unless you would like to bring the computer in and pay a fee for fixing it.”

Customer: “Why should I have to pay for you to work on my computer?”

Tech Support: “Sir, I am hanging up now.”

Stupid CoWorkers

Hello, i work for an outsourced call centre that deals with a large international client and their call centres. Im studying at uni and am amazed at how many ibeciles surround me.

1. In my office: In my office i have my boss who has no idea how to spell, construct an effective sentence or lie straight in bed. I asked him three weeks ago about a number of issues relating to my contract and i have only recieved a reply TONIGHT!! But then what can i say when the company decides to employ an ex-cop as the area head and a swedish masseuse as our learning and development leader. . . and to all of my other superiors i say “INVEST IN A DICTIONARY”, hey i know that im not perfect- but yyoud assume that when you get a payrise the letter doesnt have 20 spelling mistakes- including the street address!!

2. AND NOW TO THE OTHERS, on a daily basis i have to deal with and fix all of the screw ups that ‘the client’ (i.e. the people who the outsourced centre works for) that ‘the client’s own staff manage to do…i asked one of them the other night whether they recorded or measured their performance in any way- OF COURSE NOT! so on a daily basis i deal with customers and the screw ups that the other office (in the south) have managed to create to amuse my day… argh- i mean to say that it is a pretty simple job, HOW CAN THEY F**K UP SO OFTEN???

Just think of this- record for the week- 3 hours of an eight hour shift fixing up a customer’s account after a southern screw-up. . .and they get better benefits for th crap that they produce”