Stupid Customer Ordering

Woman: I want one of those cupcakes with no sprinkles.

Cashier: They all have sprinkles, ma’am.

Woman: [lingers, looks] I thought some didn’t.

Cashier: They all do.

Woman: … I thought some didn’t.

Cashier: No, all the cupcakes have got sprinkles today.

Woman, pointing: What about that cupcake?

Cashier: That’s a donut, ma’am. Do you want that?

Woman: No.

Stupid Customer calls me fat

So, I am helping a customer load 30 40 pound bags of topsoil into her pickup. While doing this she is playing on her iphone. By the thirtieth bag I am sweating my ass off and out of breath. After I’m done I close her tailgate on her pickup and said “All done! Have a good day!”, but she does not say thank you, she give me this instead:

Customer: “You are pretty overweight aren’t you”

Me: “……”

Customer: “If you lose some of that fat, you would be less out of breath.”

Me: “Ummm, I have asthma, lady.”

Customer: *completely ignoring what I said* “That is the problem with your generation; your parents let you eat to much fatty foods instead of practicing a little restraint. Which is why there is so much child obesity these days.”

Me: “I’m 32 years old, and while I’ll admit I have some extra pounds, I would hardly consider myself obese, thank you. Also, it’s not the eating of fatty that makes me the way I am, but all the beer drinking I have to do after work each day to cope with situations such as this one.”

Customer: “oooookay. Have a nice evening”

Stupid Customers

(I work at a food court in the mall. While I am sweeping the hardwood floors, some guy acting real weird tries to put his trash in the machine I use to clean the hardwood floors.)

Me: “Hey, wait! What are you doing?”

Weird Guy: “I’m putting my trash in the trash can”

Me: “No, this is a floor cleaner. The trash cans are over there.” (I point at them)

Weird Guy: “You sure? it looks just like a trash can!”

Me: (I just stare at this 4 wheeled floor machine that looks nothing like a trash can)…..Ummmm

Weird Guy: “What does this thing do?”

Me: “It cleans the hard wood floors.”

Weird Guy: “Well, it looks just like a trash can!”

Me: “I’m sure it does.” (I start to walk away)

Weird Guy: “IT DOES!”

Stupid Customers

In my checkout line…

Guy #1, Dude, ready for the cruise?

Guy #2: Yeah. I can’t wait to gamble. I’m taking like $300 with me.

Guy #1: Wait, $300 the whole trip or just to gamble?

Guy #2: Just to gamble. I really want to play that game where… You know, there’s a number that you have to hit… like 18?

Guy #1: You mean 21?

Guy #2: Yeah, that’s it !

Guy #1: I really want to play that one with the dice… What’s it called? Shits?

Guy #2: You mean craps?