Stupid Customers

(I hear glass shattering from the back of the store, near the wine department. As I head to the source of the sound, I hear a second shatter and see a small child in a cart reaching for a third wine bottle to pull off the rack. There’s no sign of a parent around.)

Me: “Stop that!”

(I grab the cart and pull it away from the wine racks. Suddenly, the absent parent shows up.)

Customer: “How dare you touch that cart! My child is in that cart! How dare you touch my child without my permission!”

Me: “Ma’am, your child has broken 2 bottles of wine and was about to break a third bottle. I just saved you another $12.99.”

Customer: “Saved me? You’re the one trying to kidnap my child!”

Me: “Ma’am, you already owe me $26 for what happened when you were not watching your own child.”

Customer: “If you’re going to charge me money for bringing my child into the store, I should just let you take him!”

Stupid Roommates

I have been living with my roomate for almost a year now. The last month has been hell. I dont have a job to pay rent, but I do work. For her that is. She will go to work at BlockBuster in a cool air conditioned place while I am mowing the lawn or cleaning the shrubs on the side of the house as part of her chore list. When she gets home she sits in the recliner and changes the channel without even asking me if I was watching tv or not. I am really hating her right now. On her days off she just puts me to work and watches me do it. In the kitchen she will make a big meal for herself and then tell me to clean it up. Pig she is! Her room and closet are filthy and who gets to clean it up…..ME! You would think she would help me out and maybe talk to her manager about getting me a job or soemthing. I dont know how much longer I can be her assistant.

Stupid CoWorkers

“There’s this person, whom I’ll call X. X is bubbly, has no discipline, self-respect, or respect for our (hers or mine) superiors. Except, of course, when she’s busy ass-kissing. Anyway. So we’re (we = about 20 people) all watching a movie when X’s boyfriend, for like the 10th time, turns around in his chair and makes kissy noises at me. How dumb is that. So anyway, because of his position his chair is on two legs. Whoops..I kick the chair out from under him. He lands on X. X gets pissed at me, apparently not recognising (although I guess her bias is understandable) that her boyfriend is just as much a rambunctious schmuck as I. She proceeds to go nuclear and gets in my face, I mean like four inches distance. Then she starts with the finger stabbing. I don’t feel like getting smacked today so I grab her arms by the wrists and keep them at her sides, at which point she almost breaks into tears and announces I’ve broken her wrist. Then she leaves. Comes back with a nonstandard can of Coke (pre-shaken) and explodes it all over me.

The sum of X’s boyfriend’s reaction was “Dude, you hurt her, not cool.” – and then he went back to the movie.

What makes it worse? I am surrounded by Xs to varying degrees. There are four non-Xs out of the 20-40 people I work with here (# varies because of different taskings and timinngs). And there is only one non-X whose mind is completely stable.”

Stupid CoWorkers

In the submarine force I have met many dumb people, but on my last ship, I met possibly the stupidest man alive. I realized this after watching the movie Schindlers list. after the movie, Dave Webb (known as dumb Dave) said, and I quote ” wouldn’t that suck if that really happened!” shortly thereafter my suspicions were confirmed when prior to arriving in Alaska, Dumb Dave asked ” Hey, Does anyone know the exchange rate in Alaska.” someone replied,” Yeah, It’s $2.00 to the bear claw.” and Dave asked him if he had any and he had any to spare and the other person said sure, no problem. Dave gave him $100.00 and the other person gave him back $50.00. Dave says “Hey these are not bear claws! Meanwhile everybody is in hysterics and Dave asks Why, so we go to let him off the hook and tell him that there is no exchange rate and he says “Really? What is Alaska a state or something? We say yes, not only a state but the largest in the US and he says “NO WAY!, I’m from Texas and I know for a fact that Texas is the largest!