Stupid CoWorkers

“You know that anti-virus program they installed on my computer? It kept popping up some sort of message about a trojan or something while I was surfing on the internet. It doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it because I kept getting the message like every other day, so I uninstalled the antivirus program. And now I don’t get that message any more.”

Stupid Customers

Me: Ma’am, do you have a firewall?

Clueless caller: Yes, the chimney is to my left.

Me: No, no.. On your computer, is there a firewall?

Clueless: The computer is against a wall..

Me: Um. Oh, I know, do you have McAfee?

Clueless caller, excitedly: Yeah, yeah, I have that!

Me: Okay. Well, that’s a firewall.

Stupid CoWorkers

Coworker said: In the winter time when my computer is running slow, I have to let it warm up first

before I use it”

Stupid Customers

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Patient: “Um. I think I have an STI.”

Me: “Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think that?”

Patient: “Well, I don’t really know. My computer told me to be here.”

Me: “Oh, did you do a self-analysis online?”

Patient: “No. I’m not sure. I’m here, I need to be here!”

Me: “Exactly what did your computer tell you?”

Patient: “Don’t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!”

Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you explain to me exactly what happened before you came here?”

Patient: “Well, I was looking at some porn last night online and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me I have a virus!”

Me: “Uh.”

Patient: “Stop judging me!”