Stupid Customers

I asked a customer to send over a screenshot of the bug he was trying to explain to me.

I received a fax of the screenshot.

The customer had made the screenshot, printed it out and then faxed it in to me….

I mean WTF ….email dude, email

Stupid Customers

Customer: “Hi, I need you to fax something for me.”

Me: “Okay, we actually have a self-serve fax machine right over here.”

(I point to it as I walk over to it from my side of the counter.)

Customer: “But I don’t know how to fax.”

Me: “That’s okay. I’ll show you.”

Customer: “But I’ve never used one of those before.”

Me: “That’s why I’m going to show you how to use it.”

Customer: “No, I can’t, I’m not good with computers.”

Me: “Then you’re in luck: this isn’t a computer. It’s actually just like using a telephone.”

Customer: “Here, you just do it for me.”

Me: “I actually can’t, due to our privacy policy, but I will walk you through it.”

Customer: “But I don’t know how to use it!”

Me: “That’s why I said I would show you…”


Funny photos and tshirts are at

Stupid Students

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays…

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the “TV Guide” crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Every minute without you feels like 60 seconds.

The horizon swallowed the setting sun like a dog sucking an egg, but not quite.

Stupid Tech Support

I work for a large ISP. In the middle of a call, suddenly there was a piercing high pitched beeping noise in the background.

Me: “What is that noise?”

Customer: “Hey Martinez!! I’m on the phone! Cut it out!”

Me: “What was that?”

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Me: “What is that noise?”

Customer: “It’s from a device.”

Me: “What kind of device?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Like a fax machine or something?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Someone is under house arrest or something.”