Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [travel agency]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Hi, I need to get to Hawaii by Saturday.”
Me: “Okay, let me just see what flights are available.”
Caller: “Flights? As in flying? No way! I am terrified of flying! Can you look up some train tickets for me?”
Me: “Ma’am, Hawaii is in the middle of Pacific Ocean. There is no train service to Hawaii.”
Caller: “What? Hawaii is part of the United States, isn’t it?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is.”
Caller: “Then how can it be in the middle of the Ocean? Fine then, what about taking a boat?”
Me: ”Ma’am, there are cruise services to Hawaii, but I can assure you that the only way you are going to get to Hawaii by Saturday is by flying.”
Caller: “Well, what about those speed boats that drug users use from Cuba?”
Me: “Well, ma’am, those boats don’t have the ability to cross the ocean, and Cuba is only 90 miles from the United States.”
Caller: “90 miles? Sonny boy, Cuba is out in the middle of the ocean. Haven’t you ever looked at a map?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am.”
Caller: “Forget it, I’ll just call another travel agency that knows their history.”
Me: “Do you mean geography?”
Bimbette #1, reading subway ad: ‘Sleeping with your baby is dangerous, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.’ Hahaha!
Bimbette #2: I’m pretty sure sleeping with your baby is bad no matter what.
Bimbette #3: Except that in, like, every other country besides the United States everyone sleeps on the floor, like, on their mat, with their baby next to them.