CoWorker’s Birthday

CoWorker #1: It’s my birthday today!

CoWorker #2: Happy Birthday! It’s my little sister’s b-day too, she’s turning 12.

CoWorker #1: So cool. Is she your mom’s first child?

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Stupid Customer calls me fat

So, I am helping a customer load 30 40 pound bags of topsoil into her pickup. While doing this she is playing on her iphone. By the thirtieth bag I am sweating my ass off and out of breath. After I’m done I close her tailgate on her pickup and said “All done! Have a good day!”, but she does not say thank you, she give me this instead:

Customer: “You are pretty overweight aren’t you”

Me: “……”

Customer: “If you lose some of that fat, you would be less out of breath.”

Me: “Ummm, I have asthma, lady.”

Customer: *completely ignoring what I said* “That is the problem with your generation; your parents let you eat to much fatty foods instead of practicing a little restraint. Which is why there is so much child obesity these days.”

Me: “I’m 32 years old, and while I’ll admit I have some extra pounds, I would hardly consider myself obese, thank you. Also, it’s not the eating of fatty that makes me the way I am, but all the beer drinking I have to do after work each day to cope with situations such as this one.”

Customer: “oooookay. Have a nice evening”

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Stupid Customers

Customer and child: “Hello, how old do kids have to be until they have to pay for admission?”

Me: “4 years old. 3 and under are free.”

Customer: “1 adult and 1 three year old, then.”

Daughter: “But daddy, I’m 4!”

Customer: “Quiet honey, Daddy, is talking”

Daughter: “Daddy,I’m not 3, I’m 4!!!”

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Stupid Customers

(I ring up Grand Theft Auto Vice City and looks at her 7 year old child.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’d like to advise you that this game is rated M for mature. It contains graphic vio–”

Customer: “Listen here, I know video games.”

Son: “Mommy I want it now!”

Me: “You don’t understand, it’s very–”

Customer: *yelling* “Are you going to sell me that game or not?!”

Me: “I will sell you the game, but you must understand that it’s not intended for children.”

Customer: “[Son] gets what he wants.”

(Three hours go by and I’m standing near the register. The same customer walks in looking exasperated.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

Me: “Is there a problem with the disk? We can exchange the disk for free if there’s anything wrong with it.”

Customer: “No. It’s not that. I walked in on my son playing the game. I witnessed him stealing a car, driving up to a prostitute, having sex with her, and then running her over and then get out and collect the cash. When I asked him why he did this, he responded, ‘b**** ain’t gonna need that money, she’s dead!’”

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