Stupid Customers

Tech Support: “Ok, let’s put your operating system disk in the drive.”

Customer: “Ok…which way does it go in?”

Tech Support: “The shiny side faces down.”

Customer: “Alright…um…which way is down.”

Tech Support: (rolling eyes) “Towards the floor.”

Customer: “Ahhh…so what way does the other side face?”

Tech Support: “Are you kidding?”

Customer: (outraged) “Hey! I’m not a computer genius, ok? That’s why I called you!”

Tech Support: “Ok, that side faces down too.”

That kept her occupied for a couple of minutes, while I told my colleagues what was happening and we had a good laugh.

Stupid Customers

Customer: “Hello, is this tech support?”

Tech Support: “Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you’re having?”

Customer: “I can’t seem to power this thing up.”

Tech Support: “If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support.”

Customer: “Computer?”

Tech Support: “Yes, your computer.”

Customer: “I don’t have a computer.”

Tech Support: “What is the item you are having difficulty with?”

Customer: “My new lawn mower.”

Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) “Sir, you have reached Internet technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again.”

Customer: “No, I’m sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out to fix this damn thing?”

Tech Support: “Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number and try it again.”

Customer: “What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn’t born yesterday, you know!” (click)

Stupid Customers

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn’t solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, “Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?”

Stupid Tech Support

Tech Support: “Hello, tech support, may I help you?”

Customer: (in a thick Russian accent) “Yes. Monitor is working fine but has sparks and smoke flying out back. Is ok?”

Tech Support: (blink)