Stupid Students

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Student: *dismayed response* “Yeah, I want to check on my student loans request.”

Me: “Sure thing. Can I get a student ID number?”

Student: “I don’t got one.”

Me: “Can I have your first and last name?”

Student: “Yeah.”

(There’s an awkward silence as he doesn’t say anything.)

Me: “Sir, may I get your first and last name?”

Student: *gives name*

(I search for the student, but can’t find him.)

Me: “Sir, are you a student here?”

Student: “I ain’t got time for this! I want my money!”

Me: “Sir, you have to be a student to get student loans.”

Student: *shocked* “Oh, shit, really?”

Stupid Students

Essay question: “How does the work of scientists affect your life today?”

Student’s answer: “For real I would go crazy without my iTouch or my Sidekick. Like I’m really thankful for scientists… Like what if Thomas Edison hadn’t gone outside and got hit by lightning when he was flying his kite with a key on it… We would not have electricity without him testing his invention.”

Stupid Students

Teacher: Why are you late?

Male Student: I’m not tardy. I was at the college presentation.

Teacher: The Mount St. Mary’s presentation? Are you considering going there?

Male Student: Yeah, I really think I’m gonna go there. I stayed after to fill out the application.

Teacher: Mount St. Mary’s is a Catholic women’s college.

Stupid Students

In what seems more and more like another life, some 15 years ago, I was an assistant in a computer lab belonging to the computer science department of my university. The lab consisted of a bunch of 286 IBM PS/2s with only a 3.5″ floppy drive — they had to boot with an operating system disk and then put in the program disk, and so forth.

One day a student was having problems booting up the computer. I went to see what was happening, because she was becoming increasingly vocal about the quality of the hardware and the incompetence of the people (me) who were supposed to maintain it. I found that she was trying to boot off a floppy with no operating system. So I tried to tell her that she needed a DOS diskette to boot the computer.

* Her: “Why?”

* Me: “Well, because without the operating system the computer just cannot work.”

* Her: “But I don’t need the operating system.”

* Me: “I assure you, you do.”

* Her: “No, you don’t understand, I’ve already passed the operating systems exam. I’m preparing the coursework for simulation theory, so I don’t need an operating system. I already passed. Really.”

* Me: “I’m not talking about the exam. I am talking about the operating system for the computer.”

* Her: “Why on earth should I want to put an operating system on the computer when I have already passed the exam? I need to study simulation theory, not operating systems! The arrogance! Now you want to tell me what I should study? You don’t think I passed the exam on my merits alone? Huh?”

She stormed out of the lab and filed a formal complaint with the department’s secretary. The worst part was that I got reprimanded, because, apparently, the senior management didn’t know any better than she did. Yes, she graduated a couple of years later.