Receptionist: Jim Smith, please come to the office, you have a telephone call.
CoWorker: You may want to speak up. Also, if he shows up, I’m getting out of here fast.
Receptionist: Why, don’t you like him?
CoWorker: No, it’s not that at all, it’s just that he’s been dead for over a year.
Coworker #1: So I was reading a study the other day that said performing fellatio can cause oral cancer.
Manager: No, that’s not right. Where’d you read that?
Coworker #1: On Facebook!
(lively discussion ensues)
Coworker #1: Oh! I guess I was thinking of HPV, not cancer.
Manager: Well, duh, you puttin’ something dirty in yo mouth, of course you gonna get sick. You gonna put that penny in your mouth?
Coworker #1: No! That’s gross!
Manager: Or that plastic there?
Coworker #1: No! I get it! I forgot it was getting HPV from a dude, not cancer!
Coworker #2, chewing on a pen: Does this mean I’m gonna get cancer?
(entire office stares at her)
Coworker #2: From the pen!
Coworker: Happy birthday! I hope you like the cake, we got it from your neighbor, you know, the the one who makes cakes.
Annoying coworker: No way! You got it from her, I can’t believe you did that!
(a few minutes later)
Annoying coworker: Why is my piece so big? Stop cutting the pieces so big! I want to take some home! It’s my cake!
Coworker: What? Are you serious? It’s for the office, and this is how we always cut the fucking cake.
Annoying coworker: Ugh! Whatever! It’s my birthday! Why can’t I get some cake to take home!
Coworker: Fine! I’ll wrap up the left overs. Jesus Christ!
(later that day)
Coworker: Here’s the rest of your cake.
Annoying coworker: I don’t want it anymore, I’m not going straight home after work, and I don’t want to carry that around.
Coworker, while walking away: Fucking bitch…