Stupid Customer Ordering

Woman: I want one of those cupcakes with no sprinkles.

Cashier: They all have sprinkles, ma’am.

Woman: [lingers, looks] I thought some didn’t.

Cashier: They all do.

Woman: … I thought some didn’t.

Cashier: No, all the cupcakes have got sprinkles today.

Woman, pointing: What about that cupcake?

Cashier: That’s a donut, ma’am. Do you want that?

Woman: No.

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Stupid Customer calls me fat

So, I am helping a customer load 30 40 pound bags of topsoil into her pickup. While doing this she is playing on her iphone. By the thirtieth bag I am sweating my ass off and out of breath. After I’m done I close her tailgate on her pickup and said “All done! Have a good day!”, but she does not say thank you, she give me this instead:

Customer: “You are pretty overweight aren’t you”

Me: “……”

Customer: “If you lose some of that fat, you would be less out of breath.”

Me: “Ummm, I have asthma, lady.”

Customer: *completely ignoring what I said* “That is the problem with your generation; your parents let you eat to much fatty foods instead of practicing a little restraint. Which is why there is so much child obesity these days.”

Me: “I’m 32 years old, and while I’ll admit I have some extra pounds, I would hardly consider myself obese, thank you. Also, it’s not the eating of fatty that makes me the way I am, but all the beer drinking I have to do after work each day to cope with situations such as this one.”

Customer: “oooookay. Have a nice evening”

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Stupid Customer

(at a buffet-style restaurant where customers line up for the food.)

Manager: “Can you go refill the napkins? We’re all out.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I walk over to the line wearing my work uniform and my ID card prominently displayed.)

Me: “Excuse me, I just need to refill the napkins.”

Customer: “No problem.”

Customer #2: “Why the f*** does everyone keep cutting the line?”

Me: “Sir, I work here. I am just refilling the napkins.”

Customer #2: “Well, that is no excuse! If you work here, you should know to wait your turn!”

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Stupid Customer

Me: “Hello, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I want to take out a loan.”

Me: “I am sorry, what do you mean?”

Customer: “I want to take out a big loan so I can play and maybe buy a car.”

Me: “This isn’t a bank, sir. This is a casino. We don’t do that.”

Customer: “This can’t be. I know your company has loads of money. I want to borrow some. I will pay the tax or whatever.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t do loans. This isn’t a bank.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! Money is money. What’s the difference if I borrow here or at the bank? I will pay it back. So what difference does it make? Don’t argue with me!”

(I press the red button under my desk to call security.)

Me: “A gentleman will be here in a second to work things out with you and your loan. Good day!”

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