Stupid Salespeople

I recently purchased a new PC from one of the major computer manufacturers. I placed my order via the web but asked for them to call me for my credit card information. So, after a couple days of phone tag, I got in touch with the saleswoman handling my account. I was thinking I’d just give her my credit card number and be on my way. Almost.

Saleswoman: “Do you realize that the modem you’ve chosen doesn’t have sound support?”

Customer: “What exactly does a ‘modem with no sound support’ mean?”

Saleswoman: “It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you won’t be able to hear it.”

Customer: “What does the modem have to do with that?”

Saleswoman: “Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?”

Saleswoman: “Yes.”

Customer: “How does it accomplish this feat?”

Saleswoman: “I’m not technical enough to answer that. Please hold.”

I stayed on hold for five minutes and hung up.

……………..

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Stupid Salespeople

Overheard in a nationwide computer retail store:

Customer: “Now what does this 512MB of RAM mean on this PC?”

Salesman: “Umm…RAM is what slows down your PC, see it rams into your processing power, causing slowdowns, thus why it’s called RAM.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Salesman: “Who’s the expert here?”

I couldn’t stop laughing.

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Stupid Friends

Sometime in the late 1990s, I had a friend who was an Amiga fanatic and would spend hours telling us how they were the most powerful, versatile, flawless machines ever conceived by man.

I went with him when he bought his new A-4000 and some 3D modelling software. He told us how it will render true 3D in almost real time. I shrugged, watched him set the thing up, and load the software. He fed the thing a wireframe and gave it some textures and background elements. Six days later, the computer finished rendering the first frame.

He explained later that he discovered he only had 2 megs of RAM and had ordered 4. “Isn’t that still kind of pathetic?” I asked. “My girlfriend’s HP has 16.”

He said, “Well, Amigas use everything so much more efficiently, so it compares to a PC with gigabytes of RAM. It’s enough to hack your IBM through the power outlet.”

I gave up all sense of restraint and must have laughed for 20 minutes.

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Stupid Customers

I am the tech consultant for a computer repair company, but we also sell computers. Once, I had a teen walk in and say he wanted a gaming PC. I asked what kind of games he wanted to play.

Him: “Maybe I could get an Apple II to play Halo — that’s going to be about $20, right?”

I laughed and said that an Apple II wasn’t going to cut it and that a PC that Halo could run on would run about $600. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

Him: “Ok, how about a 50 megabyte hard drive, to make my other computer run faster?”

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