Stupid Salespeople

A friend and I visited a computer store in a mall. They had aisles of software and cabinets of hardware in the back. I was curious to know how much they charged for RAM, so we headed for the rear of the store.

Salesman: “May I help you, ladies?”

Me: “Sure. We’d like to see how much your RAM is.”

Salesman: (looking around uncertainly) “Let’s look over here. Is this for a Mac or PC?”

Me: “PC. I have an HP.”

Suddenly the salesman turns down a software aisle.

Salesman: “That sounds like a war game. It should be along in here if we have it.”

Me: “Uhhhhhhhh…we’re looking for RAM. You know, computer memory. Not software.”

Salesman: “Oh! Memory! That would be over in the children’s section.”

Stupid Friends

Sometime in the late 1990s, I had a friend who was an Amiga fanatic and would spend hours telling us how they were the most powerful, versatile, flawless machines ever conceived by man.

I went with him when he bought his new A-4000 and some 3D modelling software. He told us how it will render true 3D in almost real time. I shrugged, watched him set the thing up, and load the software. He fed the thing a wireframe and gave it some textures and background elements. Six days later, the computer finished rendering the first frame.

He explained later that he discovered he only had 2 megs of RAM and had ordered 4. “Isn’t that still kind of pathetic?” I asked. “My girlfriend’s HP has 16.”

He said, “Well, Amigas use everything so much more efficiently, so it compares to a PC with gigabytes of RAM. It’s enough to hack your IBM through the power outlet.”

I gave up all sense of restraint and must have laughed for 20 minutes.

Stupid CoWorkers

My school district decided to require us school psychologists to do all our reports on laptops and print from a single printer. After a few months the laptop they provided me ceased to work with the printer. I spoke with the IT Manager.

IT Manager: “I don’t know if the problem is a hardware problem or a software problem.”

Me: “Ok.”

IT Manager: “So I can’t solve the problem now.”

Me: “When can you solve it?”

IT Manager: “I told you: I don’t know if it is a hardware problem or a software problem. I can’t fix it until I know.”

Me: “Ok. I need to print my reports. When will I be able to?”

IT Manager: (angrily) “Look, if it’s a hardware problem I can’t fix it! I don’t know if it is a hardware or a software problem.”

I made several more attempts to communicate with the IT manager about this problem over the next few weeks, only to find myself in the same conversation. Finally, I sent a memo to my boss, explaining that I was having difficulty getting tech support and could not print out my reports. My boss wrote back:

Boss: “Please do not harass the IT Manager anymore. He has already explained to you that he doesn’t know whether it is a software problem or a hardware problem.”


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