Stupid Salespeople

A friend and I visited a computer store in a mall. They had aisles of software and cabinets of hardware in the back. I was curious to know how much they charged for RAM, so we headed for the rear of the store.

Salesman: “May I help you, ladies?”

Me: “Sure. We’d like to see how much your RAM is.”

Salesman: (looking around uncertainly) “Let’s look over here. Is this for a Mac or PC?”

Me: “PC. I have an HP.”

Suddenly the salesman turns down a software aisle.

Salesman: “That sounds like a war game. It should be along in here if we have it.”

Me: “Uhhhhhhhh…we’re looking for RAM. You know, computer memory. Not software.”

Salesman: “Oh! Memory! That would be over in the children’s section.”

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Stupid Friends

Sometime in the late 1990s, I had a friend who was an Amiga fanatic and would spend hours telling us how they were the most powerful, versatile, flawless machines ever conceived by man.

I went with him when he bought his new A-4000 and some 3D modelling software. He told us how it will render true 3D in almost real time. I shrugged, watched him set the thing up, and load the software. He fed the thing a wireframe and gave it some textures and background elements. Six days later, the computer finished rendering the first frame.

He explained later that he discovered he only had 2 megs of RAM and had ordered 4. “Isn’t that still kind of pathetic?” I asked. “My girlfriend’s HP has 16.”

He said, “Well, Amigas use everything so much more efficiently, so it compares to a PC with gigabytes of RAM. It’s enough to hack your IBM through the power outlet.”

I gave up all sense of restraint and must have laughed for 20 minutes.

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Stupid CoWorkers

My school district decided to require us school psychologists to do all our reports on laptops and print from a single printer. After a few months the laptop they provided me ceased to work with the printer. I spoke with the IT Manager.

IT Manager: “I don’t know if the problem is a hardware problem or a software problem.”

Me: “Ok.”

IT Manager: “So I can’t solve the problem now.”

Me: “When can you solve it?”

IT Manager: “I told you: I don’t know if it is a hardware problem or a software problem. I can’t fix it until I know.”

Me: “Ok. I need to print my reports. When will I be able to?”

IT Manager: (angrily) “Look, if it’s a hardware problem I can’t fix it! I don’t know if it is a hardware or a software problem.”

I made several more attempts to communicate with the IT manager about this problem over the next few weeks, only to find myself in the same conversation. Finally, I sent a memo to my boss, explaining that I was having difficulty getting tech support and could not print out my reports. My boss wrote back:

Boss: “Please do not harass the IT Manager anymore. He has already explained to you that he doesn’t know whether it is a software problem or a hardware problem.”


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