Stupid Salespeople

I was repairing a broken PC and had finally narrowed the failure down to a dead COM port. I didn’t have a spare I/O board in stock, so I headed down to the local PC shop, which I had avoided as much as possible up until now — too many horror stories about them were making the rounds.

At the counter of the shop (which, by the way, “specialized” in PC repairs and upgrades) I asked for an I/O card. The person behind the counter just stared at me blankly. I rephrased my request and asked for a serial card. Still the blank look. Just then, someone walked up from the back room, where he had been jabbing at the interior of an open PC with a screwdriver.

“This guy wants a serial card,” said the first one to the second.

“Oh, no problem. We’ve got plenty of those around here somewhere,” the second person said. I was relieved that I would be able to get the system online that day instead of having to wait over the weekend for a replacement part in the mail.

After ten minutes of searching high and low, he brought me the “serial cards” he was proud to have found. It was a 10-pack of the aluminized serial number identification tags that you can stick to your system for inventory control.

I looked at it, turned, and walked away without a word.

Stupid Salespeople

In a small computer store…

Me: “Hi. I need a 25 pin RS-232 cable.”

Sales Clerk 1: “What do you need it for?”

Me: “I need to plug a VT100 into a modem. I have both the VT100 and the modem, I just need at 25 pin male/female cable with RS-232 connectors.”

Sales Clerk 1: “Let me get my manager.”

Huh?

Sales Clerk 1: in background: “I have a guy here who wants to plug his VCR into a modem.”

The sales clerk returned with another.

Sales Clerk 2: “Hello, sir. You can’t attach a VCR to a modem.”

Me: “That is not what I am trying to do. I need a 25-pin RS-232 cable — that’s all. Do you have cables for plugging into modems?”

Sales Clerk 2: “What do you want to plug into the modem?”

Me: “A VT100. It is a terminal. You plug it into a computer over a serial line, frequently a modem. I just need a 25-pin cable to go from the unit to the modem.”

Sales Clerk 2: (to Sales Clerk 1) “He doesn’t have a VCR. He wants to plug a VTR into his modem, so it is all right.”

Sales Clerk 1 handed me a cable.

Me: “This is a 9-pin cable. I need a 25 pin cable.”

Sales Clerk 2: “Most PC’s have 9 pins on their serial cards.”

Me: “I am not attaching a PC. I am attaching a VT100. There are 25 pins on it — it needs to plug into a 25 pin connector.”

Sales Clerk 2: “Then use the small end to plug into your modem.”

Me: “There are 25 pins on the modem as well. Do you have any 25 pin cables? All I need is a cable with 25 pins at each end.”

Sales Clerk 2: “This is a 25 pin cable.”

Stupid Family Members

One night my son was playing a computer game while I was watching TV. I asked him to turn the sound down, and he did. After a short while he came over to watch TV with me. Every so often I would hear the engine noise of his game. I asked him to turn off the game. He did. I was still hearing the noise and told at him to turn it off. He said he had switched off the power to the PC, but I was still hearing the engine noise about once a minute. We went over to look. Sure enough, the computer was off, but the sound was still there. We unplugged the speakers. Didn’t help. We pulled out the batteries. Didn’t help. Then I realized it was my pager that had been sitting on one of the speakers.

Stupid Tech Support

I work in tech support for an ISP. I got a call from one of our more troublesome users. Her computer was having some difficulty connecting, so, since it was a Windows machine, I suggested the most common fix-it, rebooting.

Me: “Have you tried rebooting your computer?”

Customer: “What?! Oh no, you never, EVER, reboot a computer!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that it’s perfectly safe to–”

Customer: “No! If I went to the president of Milicron (a computer manufacturer) and told him that you said to reboot my machine, he would just laugh at that! You don’t ever reboot a computer!”

Me: “Well, something like that might be reasonable if it were a large server or something, but rebooting your PC won’t cause any–”

Customer: “No! No! No!” (click)