Stupid Bosses

My friend, Pete worked for a boss that was into mystic meditation and reading crystals. When he went in to interview, the man stared at the walls and the ceiling but not at Pete. Pete stopped talking and just stared at him.

I’m sensing your aura, dude. Keep talking,” he said.

He hired Pete. Pete took the job because there wasn’t another one out there.

It was a shipping company and pretty busy. But the boss didn’t pay his bills. Consequently, Pete was left to deal with a slew of companies wanting their money. He tap-danced as best he could. Clients started calling lawyers and collection agencies.

One day this businessman came storming over to “beat the money out of him” that the boss owed. Pete called the police. The secretary went home. The boss went downstairs and had the building manager lock him in the basement vault until the “madman” was gone!

Pete told the boss, “It makes no sense to not pay our bills.”

“Everyone’s against me,” the boss said. “Cosmic forces are conspiring to ruin me.” He suggested they stop working and just meditate.

My friend, Pete is Irish and this was his first job in the US. He thought we were all crazy if this guy was normal. “This guy never would have been able to run a business in Ireland,” he told me.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because they would have locked the loon up!” he said.

He told the boss, “Maybe we can shift the balance of cosmic forces back and change our karma.”

“How?” his boss asked.

“By paying our bills!” Pete shouted, throwing the bills down on his desk.

Pete decided to quit the company. He was the book keeper and they were running out of money. Soon they would not have any to make payroll with. He went in on a Saturday to pack things up at his desk so when he handed in his resignation letter the following Monday morning he could make a quick exit.

The boss was in the office with a lady he introduced as his spiritual mentor. They were chanting and sprinkling what looked like dust or glitter on everyone’s desk, ringing a bell and saying something in a foreign language.

His boss told him they were dispelling the bad spirits in the place to reverse the company’s finances.

The mentor told Pete he had a greedy aura.

Pete told them goodbye.

Stupid CoWorkers

In the submarine force I have met many dumb people, but on my last ship, I met possibly the stupidest man alive. I realized this after watching the movie Schindlers list. after the movie, Dave Webb (known as dumb Dave) said, and I quote ” wouldn’t that suck if that really happened!” shortly thereafter my suspicions were confirmed when prior to arriving in Alaska, Dumb Dave asked ” Hey, Does anyone know the exchange rate in Alaska.” someone replied,” Yeah, It’s $2.00 to the bear claw.” and Dave asked him if he had any and he had any to spare and the other person said sure, no problem. Dave gave him $100.00 and the other person gave him back $50.00. Dave says “Hey these are not bear claws! Meanwhile everybody is in hysterics and Dave asks Why, so we go to let him off the hook and tell him that there is no exchange rate and he says “Really? What is Alaska a state or something? We say yes, not only a state but the largest in the US and he says “NO WAY!, I’m from Texas and I know for a fact that Texas is the largest!

Stupid Tech Support

I had just bought a new laser printer in the US when I received a very good job offer for the summer in Europe. So I called the printer manufacturer’s help desk to find out if I could use the printer in Europe with 220 volts, or if they had a low cost transformer.

Me: “Hello, I have just bought your new (printer model), and I was wondering if I can use it in Europe with 220 volts?”

Tech Support: “Hmmm…let me see…. Here, ok, it says that the printer works with 120 volts, so 220 volts should be enough.”

Me: “What?! If it is made only for 120 volts, and I hook it up to 220 volts, it’s going to fry.”

Tech Support: “Hmmm. You may need a surge protector.”