Male boss: So, earlier I walked down the hall calling your name, looking for you, but my wife is the one that responded…
Coworker, jokingly: That’s because our names sound so much alike.
Male boss: No, I think it’s because when we have sex I like to pretend she’s a man and I call out your name.
Coworker: That’s the most fucked-up thing you’ve ever said to me.
This exchange took place at the HMV where I used to work:
Me: Hi, what can I help you with?
Customer: Oh! Your name is French, do you speak French?
Me: No, my parents just really liked the name.
Customer: So you’re not French?
Me: No, I’m not – so what can I help you with?
Customer: I can’t believe you’re not French! You have a French name and you don’t speak the language?! Canadians are KNOWN for speaking BOTH official languages; English and FRENCH. You are a terrible Canadian!
Me: Hmm. I always thought we Canadians were known for being polite, so I guess you’re not a good Canadian either!
Customer: Well, I am never coming back here again!
Me: Yay!
Dental assistant: What was the name of that movie? The one about Pearl Harbor? You know, the one where they bomb Pearl Harbor?
Dentist: Um, I think it was called Pearl Harbor.
Dental assistant: No, it was a romantic movie… Where they bomb Pearl Harbor.
Dentist: Yeah, it’s called Pearl Harbor.
Dental assistant: Oh, yeah! Pearl Harbor!
(A man claiming to be our hotel guest’s boss calls our front desk several times, claiming that the guest won’t return his calls. I ring the hotel guest to let her know the situation.)
Me: “Hello! I received a few phone calls from a Mr. *** asking you to call him back immediately.”
Hotel guest: “Oh, Mr. ***? I don’t know a Mr. ****.”
Me: “Oh, okay. I’m sorry to bother you. I will ask him to stop calling.”
Hotel guest: “Well, what was his name again?”
Me: “Mr. ***.”
Hotel guest: “Was he tall?”
Me: “Ma’am, he was on the phone.”
Hotel guest: “You didn’t notice if he was tall or not? That doesn’t help me at all.”
Me: “Very sorry, ma’am. I will try to get a better look at him next time he calls.”
Hotel guest: “Thank you so much dear!” *hangs up*