“We have someone in our office (I’ll call her Ellie) who’ll do just about anything to get out of work, regardless of how morally deficient it might be.

Professionally, Ellie’s been called into The Bosses’ office for just about every charge you can imagine: poor time-keeping, extra long lunches, leaving early without completing the hours required of her, poor performance, excessive sick leave, etc. She won’t come into work if she a) is hung-over, b) has overslept or c) just can’t be bothered, and phones in with various lame excuses. We work in a lenient and laid back office, so to be called in by our mild mannered director takes quite some doing. Ellie was outraged by her poor appraisal this year and claimed that every bad mark against her was ‘someone else’s fault’. Naturally!

Ellie sunk to an all-time low in work-avoidance in July. Her friend (let’s call her Franny) called Ellie in a state of distress because a male friend of Franny’s had been reported missing after the London tube bombings. It turned out that the poor man had actually been killed in one of the explosions. As soon as Ellie found this out, she turned on the “tears-&-quivering-lip” act and raced into our director’s office to explain that “a friend” of hers had perished in the attack and she needed the afternoon off. When asked by a colleague how well she knew the bomb victim, Ellie looked really panicky for a split-second and suddenly burst into floods of tears and ran out of the office (a great way to avoid answering those pesky tricky questions).

A few minutes after Ellie had done a runner, the same person asked another colleague how well Ellie knew the victim. Ellie happened to be returning from her sob session at that precise moment (literally RIGHT past the person who was asking the question) and totally ignored the question. Anybody else would’ve been very indignant about having their integrity questioned but, oddly, not Ellie. She chose to avoid answernig any questions about her relationship with her friend’s friend. A day or two later, another colleague made a callous joke about terrorists and Ellie blew up, chastising him for his insensitivity. About a week later (and in front of our entire office, for maximum effect) she sobbed inconsolably as a 2-minute silence was held for the bomb victims. However she was in the pub two hours later, cracking jokes about the bomb with a pint in her hand. As it turns out, she’d never met or spoken to the bomb victim in her entire life and used his death as an excuse to get out of work.

Life’s sweet when you’re a grifter…

When challenged by the bosses about how she blatantly spends all day surfing the internet and emailing her buddies, Ellie hotly denies it and has openly stated that if she’s ever accused by the company of poor performance in ANY respect, she won’t hesitate in claiming sexual discrimination because she happens to be gay. The truth is, she’s not once experienced problems from anyone here because of her sexuality.

Unbelievable.”

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