Stupid Criminals

In the latest tale of criminal masterminds at work, an Australian car thief was arrested after he managed to accidentally lock himself in thevehicle he was trying to steal.

Police were called to a house in Adelaide after two thieves were heard trying to steal a car.

On arrival, they were surprised to find a 53-year old man hiding inside the vehicle.

‘The man, while breaking into the car, had locked himself in the car and couldn’t get out,’ South Australian police said.

They added that the second thief was found hiding in nearby bushes.

Stupid CoWorkers

I have a co-worker who is a chronic liar, while it entertains me more than it irritates me, some days are worse than others. We work for a decent company where the wages are better than average but nothing to brag about. This guy is like 22 years old and lives at home with his mother. However he tells everyone at work that he not only own his own condo (which he bought outright- no mortgage) and that he owns a home in Beverly Hills in the same neighborhood as Tommy Lee, but his house can not be seen on Google earth because it is a “blocked” residence. I was unaware such blocking capabilities exist. He is also a rock star…overseas of course. He once took a trip to London over the weekend and the flight he said took him 9 hours. We are in Arizona.

He is all of these things and is able to still buy $200 sneakers. On our wages I believe that is only possible if all of your living expenses are paid from other income. Rock star income maybe or your mothers income. Either way he really gets on my nerves. God forbid he actually say something funny and I laugh because then he does not shut up. He brings his guitar to work and sings out loud showing off his screeching animal in pain voice and mind you we work in customer service so everyone hears the part we are having in the background. How I would love to burst his bubble , in public only otherwise the feeling would not be as satisfying. I am sure that any adult with the slightest bit of common sense can see through this hilarious rock star persona, and how other people feel about other people at work really is not one of my biggest concerns, so needless to say I will probably never burst his bubble, in public or otherwise. I can only hope he one day stumbles across this site to bitch about my bitchiness here at work and coincidentally identify with this post.

Stupid Customers

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is Bill in the breast aesthetics department. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My left boob popped.”

Me: “Okay, so the implant failed?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Are your implants silicone gel or saline?”

Customer: “The water kind.”

Me: “So, we’ve had a saline deflation. I need to ask you some questions in regards to how it may have deflated.”

Customer: “Why, don’t you believe me?”

Me: “Of course I believe you, but as part of making our implants even better and evaluating where under the device’s warranty this falls, I need to know what may have led up to the implant’s leak.”

Customer: “Oh, so you think this is my fault?! You make a crappy implant and you have the nerve to blame me?”

Me: “Wait, wait. First, I didn’t make your implant, my company did. I’m here to help you get this fixed in the fastest way possible and that starts with finding out how the implant deflated.”

Customer: “So you want to know what I did to screw them up, is that right? I spend a fortune on these things to be walking around with a flat tire of a tit and you think it’s my fault?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I simply need to know how to cover this under your warranty, to see how much money we are going to give you to fix the problem. We give you a check for money to fix the problem if you’ll just answer my questions. What do you remember doing when you first noticed the deflation in your breast?”

Customer: “Me and my boyfriend were playing sex hide-and-seek in the house and he thought it would be more fun if my boobs glowed. So, he used a needle tube to insert little red lights into them… what do you call those little glowing lights? It’s like three letters?”

Me: “… A diode?”

Customer: “Yes. He’s a trained professional… he uses them on animals at his job all the time.”

Me: “So, your boyfriend punched a hole in your chest and tried inserting a diode inside the implant?”

Customer: “Well, not in my chest. Just on the top side of my boob so it wouldn’t hurt. He numbed it first.”

Me: “… And this is the implant’s fault, how?”

Customer: “It started leaking and getting flat.”

Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? I’m recording this and no one is going to believe me!”

Customer: *click*

Stupid CoWorkers

Okay, where do I begin? I started this job in the fall of 2007 with a community mental healthcare facility. I should have picked up on the fact that no one else working at this facility was jumping at the opportunity of working with this woman! She is foreign born and as nutty as a snickers bar! She is very insecure about her intelligence and skills. As a result of this, she tends to be overbearing, suspicious and controlling with our team of casemanagers whom she supervises. She has boundary issues with regards to sharing her personal life, with me in particular. Only four months or more into my employment, she shares her divorce in detail with me. She tells me about how her husband cheated on her with their next door neighbor. I really didn’t care to know this, but I listened respectfully because I needed the job. She definitely has issues with men, and tends to favor the female opinion when ideas are presented. She ignores suggestions at team meetings by select male staff members as if they were invisible! We guys call it the Girls Club. As for her work habits, she undermines, lies, or forgets and refuses to take responsibility for her mistakes. She never apologizes when she is blatantly wrong. I myself have a two degrees, one is a masters and the other a bachelors. She has two also, but her masters doesn’t command as much attention as my masters. I personally don’t put that much value on degrees. I value experience, teamwork, honesty, and work ethics. I feel that she is intimidated by me without justification. I have done my best to reassure her that I am there to support the team and that ego and arrogance have no place in a team oriented workplace. It drives me crazy to think that is some cases, not all cases, but some cases, the U.S. gets foreign born individuals that could only make it as Wal-Mart greeters in their country. But they can come to our country, speak with an accent and immediately be considered highly knowledgeable with little scrutiny. And I mean no disrespect to those foreign born folks who are indeed very knowledgeable and an asset to their employers here in the U.S. The strangest thing that she has ever said to me was at a staff meeting in front of other team members. She was planning a cookout at her house and strongly suggesting that we all clear our calendars for this cookout. I had plans, so I respectfully declined to attend this after work social activity due to a personal commitment with a family member. When I declined, she said with a smirk on her face, “You remind me of my ex-husband” She added: ” He always had an excuse for why couldn’t do something”. I looked at her and thought, WOW!!! she has no insight, no professionalism and poor to no management skills with subordinate workers. This Ditz should be deported back to South America on the next flight!!