Stupid Friends

One evening while walking through the school hallways, a friend was attempting to impress me with this knowledge of computers.

Him: “I can use HTML coding to do my homework for me. That way I don’t have to waste time on it.”

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Stupid Students

Student: “Hey, how do I lodge in to Hotmail?”

Me: “You’ve got to type in your username and password in those fields that say ‘username’ and ‘password’.”

Student: “I don’t have one of those.”

Me: “You need one to log in to Hotmail.”

Student: “It’s ‘LODGE’ in.”

Me: “The term is ‘log in,’ and you can’t log in without a username and password. I can help you create one if you’d like.”

Student: “Um, excuse me, but I THINK I know what I’m talking about. It’s LODGE in, and I don’t want a username and password, I just want to get some email!”

I just went back to working after that, and he left complaining about how “crappy” the computers in the lab were, after trying to “lodge in” for ten more minutes.

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Stupid Customers

Tech Support: “Thank you for calling tech support, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, is this the help desk?”

Tech Support: “Yes sir, it is; how may I help you?”

Customer: (in a very strained and excited voice) “I can’t go to the bathroom!”

Understandably, I was shocked.

Tech Support: “Sir…I am not sure what your definition of a help desk is, but I don’t believe I am qualified to help you with that problem.”

Customer: “You have to. The nearest bathroom is broken, and the toilet is overflowing. I don’t know what to do. Send someone up to repair it.”

Tech Support: “Sir, we only open do troubleshooting on computers, not bathrooms and toilets.”

Customer: “But it’s the same thing!”

Tech Support: “Um, no it’s not.”

Customer: “It is too! It’s repairing things! Now I want someone up here right now.”

Tech Support: “It’s two entirely different things. Computers run on electricity and have hundreds of parts. Toilets run on water.”

Customer: “It’s an emergency! Can you send someone up to fix it?”

Tech Support: “Sir, might I suggest that you use another bathroom?”

Customer: “AGH! I CAN’T USE ANOTHER BATHROOM! I HAVE TO GO NOW! GET SOMEONE UP HERE NOW!”

I put him on hold. For about three minutes. I hate to be screamed at.

Tech Support: “Sir, I cannot. I have no way to do that. I fix computers. Not toilets.”

Customer: (rant, rant, rave, rave)

Tech Support: “I’m sorry, I really can’t help you.”

Customer: “Oh gosh…oh my pants!” (click)

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Stupid Customers

Customer: “Hi, I recently bought a computer, and I seem to be having problems.”

Tech Support: “What type of problems?”

Customer: “Nothing seems to be working at all.”

Tech Support: “Hmmm, what kind of computer is it?”

Customer: “[brand].”

Tech Support: “Actually, we don’t sell that brand of computer here.”

Customer: “I know, I bought it from a friend of mine.”

Tech Support: “May I ask why you are calling us for support?”

Customer: “Aren’t you a computer store?”

Tech Support: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, I was in there yesterday.”

Tech Support: “And you bought something from us?”

Customer: “No, but you sell computers so you should fix them.”

Tech Support: “Did we sell your computer to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Did we sell anything to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Why should we be supporting something we didn’t sell you?”

Customer: “Well, who should I be calling?”

Tech Support: “Probably your friend, or the manufacturer of the computer.”

Customer: “You are not very much help, you know.”

Tech Support: “I am sorry but there is not much I can do for you, unless you would like to bring the computer in and pay a fee for fixing it.”

Customer: “Why should I have to pay for you to work on my computer?”

Tech Support: “Sir, I am hanging up now.”

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