Stupid Customers

(I am a telephone operator for a large insurance company that has thousands of employees, so I need a last name to transfer people)

Caller: “Hi, can I be transferred to Mike?”

Me: “Yes, what is Mike’s last name?”

Caller: “I’m not sure, I just know his first name is Mike.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we have hundreds of Mike’s so I would need a last name.”

Caller: “Oh, I see. Well, I’ll just call him and get his last name, then.”

Me: “Okay, but if you have his direct number, why were you calling me in the first place?”

Caller: *hangs up*

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Stupid Customers

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”

Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”

Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”

Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”

Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Me: “You’re speaking to her.”

Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”

Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”

Caller: You own both the restaurants?

Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”

Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”

Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”

Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”

Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”

Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”

Me: “That’s it.”

Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”

Caller: “Oh…”

Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”

Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”

“““““

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Stupid Customers

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Communications, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, my cable box in my bed room is not working.”

Me: “Okay, I can talk a look at that for you. How is it not working?”

Caller: “Look, I just want to watch Eragon in my room…”

(I finally figure out that the box will not take the signal we are sending.)

Me: “It looks like we will need to get a tech out there to replace the box.”

Caller: “Why”?

(I try to explain that the box is refusing the signal and that we need to switch the box. This goes on for five minutes before I give up and try an alternative answer…)

Me: “Um… the box has gone rogue and is no longer taking instructions from us. We need to bring it back in for training.”

Caller: “Oh, that makes sense! Why didn’t you just say that?”

Me: “…”

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