Me: “Thank you for calling [company] support, can I have your employee ID number, please?”
Caller: “Yeah, can you put me on hold?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Caller: “I called before and complained about the awful hold music you guys use. I want to see if you changed it.”
Me: “Hold on just a minute.”
(I put the caller on hold for a minute.)
Me: “Hello, are you still there ma’am?”
Caller: “Yeah, I’m here.”
Me: “So is the hold music any less awful?”
Caller: “No, not really. Thanks.” *click*
Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”
Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”
Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”
Me: “You’re speaking to her.”
Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”
Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”
Caller: You own both the restaurants?
Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”
Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”
Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”
Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”
Me: “That’s it.”
Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”
Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”
Caller: “Oh…”
Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”
Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”
Me: “That’s right.”
Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”
“““““
StartUp Funding News to keep up to date on venture capital funding at MintStartups.com
Me: “Thank you for calling *** Communications, how can I help you?”
Caller: “Yeah, my cable box in my bed room is not working.”
Me: “Okay, I can talk a look at that for you. How is it not working?”
Caller: “Look, I just want to watch Eragon in my room…”
(I finally figure out that the box will not take the signal we are sending.)
Me: “It looks like we will need to get a tech out there to replace the box.”
Caller: “Why”?
(I try to explain that the box is refusing the signal and that we need to switch the box. This goes on for five minutes before I give up and try an alternative answer…)
Me: “Um… the box has gone rogue and is no longer taking instructions from us. We need to bring it back in for training.”
Caller: “Oh, that makes sense! Why didn’t you just say that?”
Me: “…”
Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Yeah, I want to complain about these towels of yours. They’re really rough and scratchy.”
Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir… wait a second, are you calling from outside the hotel?”
(I double-check the incoming call info, and see that it’s coming in on our toll-free line.)
Caller: “Yeah, I’m at home.”
Me: “And you’re calling to complain about towels you took from the hotel?”
Caller: “Yeah, they suck. They’re not very soft.”
Me: “Well, I certainly apologize for that, sir. If you’ll give me your name and address, I’ll have Housekeeping send you some new ones.”
(Surprisingly, he actually gave me his info; not surprisingly, he called a couple of weeks later to complain about the bill we sent him for the towels.)