Art director to photographer: So, how big is your rack?
(rest of table bursts out laughing)
Art director: Okay! I guess we’re all 13 here!
Photographer: You gotta admit, that was good.
Art director: Yeah, it was good.
(at the end of photo shoot meeting)
Art director: Don’t forget to bring your rack on Friday!
Me: “How can I help you today?”
Patient: “Um. I think I have an STI.”
Me: “Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think that?”
Patient: “Well, I don’t really know. My computer told me to be here.”
Me: “Oh, did you do a self-analysis online?”
Patient: “No. I’m not sure. I’m here, I need to be here!”
Me: “Exactly what did your computer tell you?”
Patient: “Don’t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!”
Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you explain to me exactly what happened before you came here?”
Patient: “Well, I was looking at some porn last night online and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me I have a virus!”
Me: “Uh.”
Patient: “Stop judging me!”
Male boss: So, earlier I walked down the hall calling your name, looking for you, but my wife is the one that responded…
Coworker, jokingly: That’s because our names sound so much alike.
Male boss: No, I think it’s because when we have sex I like to pretend she’s a man and I call out your name.
Coworker: That’s the most fucked-up thing you’ve ever said to me.