New office girl: Oh! You just had to go and print on the noisy tractor-feed printer. Now I can’t hear my song!
(printer stops)
Old office girl #2: Is that…?
Old office girl #3: The Titanic Song?
Old office girl #2: Are you serious?
Old office girl #3: THIS is your song?
Me: “Hi my name is [name] from [company] internet tech support how can I help you today?”
Customer: “My internet is down.”
Me: “Alright what happens when you try to browse?”
Customer: “Nothing, the screen goes black every time I leave the computer for a few minutes. And I have to hold down the power button for it to come back but that restarts everything!”
Me: “Okay can you move the mouse?”
Customer: “I tried that it doesn’t work!”
Me: “Try pressing any key on the keyboard.”
Customer: “Okay, the screen isn’t black anymore, but my internet is still down.”
Me: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Owner logged in.”
Me: “Click on owner.”
Customer: “Okay internet is working now.”
Me: “Sir, that was your screen saver.”
Customer: “I don’t know what that is, but thanks for fixing the internet. Bye!”
Broker #1: Okay, here’s one: would you rather lick the bulge on Jimmy’s leg or eat the skin that Richard peeled off his foot last year?
Broker #2: As sick as this sounds, I’d take Jimmy’s bulge in a second. I had to sit next to Richard. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pencil in it.