Stupid CoWorkers

May 12, 2007

Hello, i work for an outsourced call centre that deals with a large international client and their call centres. Im studying at uni and am amazed at how many ibeciles surround me.

1. In my office: In my office i have my boss who has no idea how to spell, construct an effective sentence or lie straight in bed. I asked him three weeks ago about a number of issues relating to my contract and i have only recieved a reply TONIGHT!! But then what can i say when the company decides to employ an ex-cop as the area head and a swedish masseuse as our learning and development leader. . . and to all of my other superiors i say “INVEST IN A DICTIONARY”, hey i know that im not perfect- but yyoud assume that when you get a payrise the letter doesnt have 20 spelling mistakes- including the street address!!

2. AND NOW TO THE OTHERS, on a daily basis i have to deal with and fix all of the screw ups that ‘the client’ (i.e. the people who the outsourced centre works for) that ‘the client’s own staff manage to do…i asked one of them the other night whether they recorded or measured their performance in any way- OF COURSE NOT! so on a daily basis i deal with customers and the screw ups that the other office (in the south) have managed to create to amuse my day… argh- i mean to say that it is a pretty simple job, HOW CAN THEY F**K UP SO OFTEN???

Just think of this- record for the week- 3 hours of an eight hour shift fixing up a customer’s account after a southern screw-up. . .and they get better benefits for th crap that they produce”

Stupid CoWorkers
, , ,

Stupid CoWorkers

May 2, 2007

Bubbles is an inspiration for anyone wanting to avoid actually having to WORK for their paycheck. We’re not talking hard physical labor, either. Over the years she’s been shifted from one department to another due to incompetence or laziness. I’m reasonably certain there are many pets and some houseplants with higher IQs than hers. The most FAQ we hear is Does she do ANYTHING? Here’s a typical Bubbles work day:

HOUR 1 Arrives at work (usually 30-90 min. late, although she IS punctual 3-4 times a year).HOUR 2: Greets boss cheerily, not wasting her breath to greet coworkers (oops, I should say colleagues, since the word coworker implies that she shares the workload). Follows that with question about boss’s personal life to deflect notice of her tardiness. Boss complies with a 5-50 minute list of complaints.HOUR 3: Reads email for awhile, always answering ones from friends/family. She dutifully checks her horoscope and then looks for web sites related to her hobbies. Disappears two minutes after boss goes into meeting.HOUR 4: Places/receives several personal phone calls. Halfway through HOUR 4 she heads to her exercise classHOUR 6: Returns to desk and checks to see if boss nearby. If yes, she dashes off a quick email or makes business-related phone call to make sure the boss is aware of her presence. Then she’s off to the cafeteria or local deli to grab lunch and eat at her desk (NO, she didn’t have time during her two-hour break to actually eat).HOUR 7: Places or receives several more personal phone calls, and disappears for parts unknown. Returns in time to say goodnight to the boss, being sure to ask about bosses’ plans for the evening and make sympathetic or encouraging noises, then calls it a day 2-3 minutes’ after bosses’ departure.

She could get an Academy Award for her performance as a tired yet plucky single mom, struggling against all odds to be the best darn homemaker and mother she can. But listen closely to the personal calls; the content revolves around her soliciting free childcare for the night/weekend so she can devote attention to the pursuit of happiness (hers) and the boyfriend du jour. Vacations are spent in exotic locations without the kids and she manages to get nearly every Friday afternoon off in summer for long weekend getaways without having to use vacations time. Often she’s worn-out from the fun weekend and has to take Monday off.

The boss admires Bubble’s ability to combine her busy life with a full-time job. None of our calculators can show that 0-1 hour of work per day adds up to a full-time job. Must be defective….

Right now she’s riding high on a recent compliment from the boss that what she does is a GIFT, and that we’re very lucky to have her. We’re still trying to figure out what the heck she DOES. Any clues?

Stupid CoWorkers
, , , , , ,

Stupid CoWorkers

April 24, 2007

I work in a large office where we are broken down into “team”. Well, on my team is a lady named “Virgie” who is the biggest perfectionist on earth! When I first met her she told me she has a small case of OCD. YEAH RIGHT and here is why:

She will come in 1-2 hours before everyone else (EVERYDAY) to clean our work areas even though we have cleaning people at night…

She takes 1 personal day a month because she has to have her haircut on the EXACT same day as the month before. Virgie will not only clean my office but also re-arrange my pictures to how SHE thinks they should look! She is also famous for stealing my garbage to see what I have thrown away.

The tip of the iceburg is how she whines to the boss (who she kisses butt to so bad he’s blind to the fact she’s a freak) that no one else ever cleans or pulls their weight like she does and we all get lectured Oh did I mention how she has an obsession with being thin and will insult anyone who isn’t, including a co-worker who is 8 months pregnant. The funny thing is, she must be about 25 lbs over-weight herself.

Virgie is never, ever wrong in her eyes and everyone else always is. There is nothing she does not already know.

The worst part is how rude she is to clients. Virgie has told clients they don’t look like they can afford our services, that they need to clean up to even talk to us! And when we tell the boss….once again he’s blind”

Stupid CoWorkers
, , , , ,

Stupid CoWorkers

April 14, 2007

Let me start by saying that nowhere in my job description does it say anything about moving furniture for people in my office yet ever since I’ve started I’ve gotten the pleasure of having to do this many times. It’s especially rewarding since the people I work with are not parapalegic or handicapped in any way and are just as capable as me of moving their own sh*t. I get a call yesterday from an employee who wants to move her computer to her new desk. Since this is kind of odd I ask her why she wants to move it, “Because mines newer.” That’s right “mines” newer. But I digress. Due to an incident where I was reprimanded and told by my boss that it’s not my job to move furniture I’ve been a little hesitant to move anything so I told this person nicely that’s its not my job but I’d help since it’s not worth paying our physical plant staff the OT to move it. I get a call the next day from one of her new bosses asking how come I haven’t moved it yet. How ’bout because I never said I would. I calmly explained my position and when asked what we could do to move it responded with, “what’s wrong with your arms?” Now today I get a voicemail from my boss telling me that this other woman’s boss called him to complain that I didn’t want to move it and he understands that I’m not the department’s day laborer but would I mind doing him a favor and moving it. Well you know what, I would, especially since no one is going to help including the people that want the PC there soooo bad. I’m so glad I wear a shirt and tie to work everyday just so I can get filthy carrying your f’ng PC. F*ckers.

Stupid CoWorkers
, , , ,