“You know that anti-virus program they installed on my computer? It kept popping up some sort of message about a trojan or something while I was surfing on the internet. It doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it because I kept getting the message like every other day, so I uninstalled the antivirus program. And now I don’t get that message any more.”
Me: “Hi my name is [name] from [company] internet tech support how can I help you today?”
Customer: “My internet is down.”
Me: “Alright what happens when you try to browse?”
Customer: “Nothing, the screen goes black every time I leave the computer for a few minutes. And I have to hold down the power button for it to come back but that restarts everything!”
Me: “Okay can you move the mouse?”
Customer: “I tried that it doesn’t work!”
Me: “Try pressing any key on the keyboard.”
Customer: “Okay, the screen isn’t black anymore, but my internet is still down.”
Me: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Owner logged in.”
Me: “Click on owner.”
Customer: “Okay internet is working now.”
Me: “Sir, that was your screen saver.”
Customer: “I don’t know what that is, but thanks for fixing the internet. Bye!”
Customer rep manager: Why is the internet down at the warehouse?
IT guy: I got two emails. One said it was because there was vandalism in a manhole and the wires got cut. Another said they were digging in a manhole and the wires accidentally got cut.
Openly gay purchasing manager: Stop saying “manhole.”
IT guy: Why? Does it get you excited?
Have you ever felt that all the skills and intelligence you had were not only being wasted, but being wasted intentionally in order to publicly and privately humiliate your personality and destroy your soul no? well then listen to this story boys and girls and empathize with me a lil’ while I spin my tale.
I am an intern at a company in Silicon Valley. But they are not a tech company, what they actually do is put on conferences for tech CEO’s. Seems legit enough right? Wrong! When I was hired I was told that they were hiring me and the other interns because we were the best of the best (all currently in two of the top colleges in the area). We’re all pretty smart guys, capable, we can think on our feet. And what do they have us doing for the most part: fucking data entry. Basically what we do is look companies up online and put their info into the database. As one of my co-sufferers said “basically the internet is our database.” It would be marginally better if the information we entered was useful in some way. But no, for the most part any work we do after it is thrown in into a black hole sun of this-shit-will-never-be-used-again. I mean this stuff might be used but god knows we’ll never hear about it. It would be okay if the database were useful, but its not. It’s a total fucking mess. No one actually maintains anything. Anyone can add anything. Very rarely does anyone double check that the data is correct. Nothing is in the right format. Lets just put it this way, this is what one entry had listed as the address: Canada! Yea that’s right all it said was fucking Canada. I wanna send those guys a letter and see where it ends up