CoWorker to customer on telephone about pork recall at our business: We only were recalling pork dated March 4th through March 16th.
Customer: Mine is dated April 2nd. Can I eat it?
Phone Support Guy: Yes sir. That’s not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you 100% sure it is safe?
Phone Support Guy: Yes sir. That pork wasn’t part of our recall.
Customer: What are the dates again?
Phone Support Guy: March 4th through March 16th.
Customer: So, it won’t kill me?
Phone Support No sir, unless you plan on throwing it on the floor, jump on it a few times, then licking it up and eating it raw.
Female #1 in Company Lunch Room: Screaming: I’m toothless! I’m toothless! My bridge fell out. It fell under the table!
Female #2 to Female #3: I hope it was her front teeth.
Male CoWorker #1: Yeah, I heard she’s a squatter.
Male CoWorker #2: Really, she doesn’t have a place to live?
Male CoWorker #1: No, she squats above the toilet seat when she goes to the restroom. It gets everywhere so HR is going to talk to her.
Male CoWorker #2: Damn dude, can you imagine what the bathroom in her house looks like?
CoWorkers #1: Can you help me with this Word document? I want the layout to look horizontal instead of vertical.
CoWorkers #2: Okay, go into File, then Page Setup.
CoWorkers #1: Okay.
CoWorkers #2: You see where it says “Page Source”?
CoWorkers #1: Sure Do.
CoWorkers #2: Good, now do you see where it says “Orientation”? Make your choice.
CoWorkers #1: Gay or straight?