Stupid Customers

(I work at a food court in the mall. While I am sweeping the hardwood floors, some guy acting real weird tries to put his trash in the machine I use to clean the hardwood floors.)

Me: “Hey, wait! What are you doing?”

Weird Guy: “I’m putting my trash in the trash can”

Me: “No, this is a floor cleaner. The trash cans are over there.” (I point at them)

Weird Guy: “You sure? it looks just like a trash can!”

Me: (I just stare at this 4 wheeled floor machine that looks nothing like a trash can)…..Ummmm

Weird Guy: “What does this thing do?”

Me: “It cleans the hard wood floors.”

Weird Guy: “Well, it looks just like a trash can!”

Me: “I’m sure it does.” (I start to walk away)

Weird Guy: “IT DOES!”

Stupid Customers

In my checkout line…

Guy #1, Dude, ready for the cruise?

Guy #2: Yeah. I can’t wait to gamble. I’m taking like $300 with me.

Guy #1: Wait, $300 the whole trip or just to gamble?

Guy #2: Just to gamble. I really want to play that game where… You know, there’s a number that you have to hit… like 18?

Guy #1: You mean 21?

Guy #2: Yeah, that’s it !

Guy #1: I really want to play that one with the dice… What’s it called? Shits?

Guy #2: You mean craps?

Stupid Customers

(I am a telephone operator for a large insurance company that has thousands of employees, so I need a last name to transfer people)

Caller: “Hi, can I be transferred to Mike?”

Me: “Yes, what is Mike’s last name?”

Caller: “I’m not sure, I just know his first name is Mike.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we have hundreds of Mike’s so I would need a last name.”

Caller: “Oh, I see. Well, I’ll just call him and get his last name, then.”

Me: “Okay, but if you have his direct number, why were you calling me in the first place?”

Caller: *hangs up*

Stupid Customers

(the is a phone conversation I had)

Manager calls me: “Hi, a customers just applied for a store card and she’d like to use it today. Please look it up and help her out?”

(After pulling up the application, I see that the name on the application does not match the name of the customer. I can’t say that for security reasons though)

Me: “I’m sorry to tell you the application was declined due to information not matching. Usually this means a typo somewhere. Could you have your customer try again, please?”

Manager: “Okay, she just tried it again. Did it go through this time?”

Me: “No, it is still saying that the information is not matching. You keep saying ‘she’, but on the application, it says ‘Mr.’. Is she applying jointly with someone?”

Manager: “I’ll ask.” *pause* “Okay, she says everything she does is in her late husband’s name, so that’s the social security number she’s using.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m not sure how her temperament is, so we’re going to have to be delicate about this. Could you very tactfully let her know that we not issue credit to dead people?”

Manager: *laughs* “Will do. Thank you!”