Stupid Customers

Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone provider]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering if you’d gotten my payment?”

Me: “It doesn’t look like we have. May I ask how you paid?”

Customer: “I went to one of your stores two months ago just as they were closing up. A guy was walking out of the store and I asked if he worked there, so I gave him an envelope with my payment and telephone number written on it. He said he’d give it to his manager the next day.”

Me: “Did you go back to the store to find out what happened?”

Customer: “Yah, they said that no one matching the description I gave them worked there! So…is there any way you could adjust that charge?”

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Stupid Customers

An elderly woman called, furious.

Tech Support: “How can I help you ma’am?”

Customer: “You had better help me!”

Tech Support: “That’s why they pay me!”

Customer: “Don’t get smart with me!”

Tech Support: “Of course, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been waiting for quite some time!”

Tech Support: “Yes ma’am, our current wait is about twenty minutes. It usually isn’t that bad.”

Customer: (yelling) “Twenty minutes! I’ve been waiting three days!”

Tech Support: “You’ve defied sleep and other bodily functions for a full 72 hours?”

Isn’t it wonderful when they get vague? Turns out she clicked on the “Help” button in Word or something three days prior and was waiting for us to call her…despite the fact that her computer had no modem and was not near a telephone line.

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Stupid Laws

In Normal, IL., it is against the law to make faces at dogs.

Hartford, CT., makes it illegal to educate dogs.

A Belvedere, CA., City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.”

In Paulding, OH., a policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.

A law passed in Denver says that the dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.

In Tennessee, you can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.

In Cleveland, it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

Kansas law prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.

Los Angeles law forbids hunting moths under a street light.

Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

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Stupid CoWorkers

I am an accountant having various retail store locations reporting directly to me. One day I received a call from one of the retail clerks, let’s call her Marge. Here’s how the telephone call went:

Marge: I have a problem

Me: Yes, what’s wrong.

Marge: I just had a cash sale and I think I am going to be short $20.

Me: Why, explain what happened.

Marge: Well, this customer came to my counter and his total bill came to $80.00. He gave me (in cash) $100.00. Being that I gave him back $20, I am going to be $20 short!!!

Believe it or not, I spent 15 minutes on the phone with Marge explaining everything was fine!!!!

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