Stupid Students

In what seems more and more like another life, some 15 years ago, I was an assistant in a computer lab belonging to the computer science department of my university. The lab consisted of a bunch of 286 IBM PS/2s with only a 3.5″ floppy drive — they had to boot with an operating system disk and then put in the program disk, and so forth.

One day a student was having problems booting up the computer. I went to see what was happening, because she was becoming increasingly vocal about the quality of the hardware and the incompetence of the people (me) who were supposed to maintain it. I found that she was trying to boot off a floppy with no operating system. So I tried to tell her that she needed a DOS diskette to boot the computer.

* Her: “Why?”

* Me: “Well, because without the operating system the computer just cannot work.”

* Her: “But I don’t need the operating system.”

* Me: “I assure you, you do.”

* Her: “No, you don’t understand, I’ve already passed the operating systems exam. I’m preparing the coursework for simulation theory, so I don’t need an operating system. I already passed. Really.”

* Me: “I’m not talking about the exam. I am talking about the operating system for the computer.”

* Her: “Why on earth should I want to put an operating system on the computer when I have already passed the exam? I need to study simulation theory, not operating systems! The arrogance! Now you want to tell me what I should study? You don’t think I passed the exam on my merits alone? Huh?”

She stormed out of the lab and filed a formal complaint with the department’s secretary. The worst part was that I got reprimanded, because, apparently, the senior management didn’t know any better than she did. Yes, she graduated a couple of years later.

Stupid Customers

Tech Support: “What version of Windows are you running?”

Customer: “I got the computer in 2003, so I think it’s a Windows 2003. Or maybe it’s a Windows 2004? I got it late in the year.”

Tech Support: “Um, ok.”

Customer: “Is that wrong?”

Tech Support: “No, no, that sounds about right. Tell me, would you know what service pack you have for that?”

Customer: “Well, when I got to the register, the young man who rang me up said was about the 5th person to buy it. So it might be service pack 5.”

Stupid Bosses

I work a turgid minimum wage job in a mid-sized engineering plant whilst putting myself through college. I’ve been there for five years and have had three people to answer to in that time. For the first three years I had a male boss in his mid 40s who, while harsh and snappy at times, was generally OK to work with. Then about two years ago, he became quite ill – nothing serious, but enough to put him out of commission at a time when we were extraordinarily busy with an order and working very long hours…

Stupid Customers

(A customer stomps into my store and starts yelling at me.)

Customer: “I had an allergic reaction to a Vanilla Ice Blended from the store in [other location] and the manager there said I could have whatever I wanted here for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I had to drive out to Cedars-Sinai last night and I was there until four in the morning! The people at [other location] said I could have anything I wanted! I had an allergic reaction!”

Me: “Well, then… what would you like?”

Customer: “I want two Vanilla Ice Blendeds…”