Waiter: There’s a fly buzzing around. I kept him off your food.
Manager: Ah, it doesn’t matter. Nobody ever died from that.
Waiter: Nobody ever died from licking my balls, either. You want to come over here and do that?
Stupid Customers
Customer: “Excuse me, miss – what size are you?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “I want to buy these pants for my granddaughter, my dear, and she’s about your size.”
Me: “Oh, well…the jeans I’m wearing right now are from this store, and they’re a size 4.”
Customer: “WELL! She is certainly not that fat!”
Me: “Um, well, sometimes people carry their weight differently. Perhaps she would fit in a size 2 better?”
Customer: “My dear, I didn’t mean to offend you – you’re not too fat. My granddaughter is small. And a big hussy. That’s why I want to buy her new pants. She looks like such a tramp.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “I suppose maybe I’ll just buy her a blouse instead.”
Stupid CoWorkers
Manager to lead: Go ahead and audit her drawer tonight. We’re supposed to audit everyone once a week.
Cashier: Go ahead, since it’ll be quick. How often are my drawers off anyway?
Passing coworker: Every. Night.
Stupid Bosses
I was hired with a Property Management Company a few years ago. I worked for them for less than 6 months. At first it seemed as though this was an answer to my prayers to be hired by “Such a wonderful Company!”
During my interview they made it clear to me that they were so happy to find someone with my experience and qualifications applying for the position. Wonderful!
I was assigned to a certain housing complex. Being in the Title of Live on Site Maintenance of 350 unit Town Houses in which their was one that was mine to live in…