Stupid CoWorkers

“I work for a major medical school, Dept. of Psychiatry, and travel to state prisons to conduct psychiatric assessments of prisoners with mental health designations preparing to parole. Understand me: crazy and very dangerous men. In January, a corrections officer was murdered by a psych inmate and the state issued a state-wide emergency lockdown of all prisons, allowing entry to only “essential personnel.” I was inside a Level 4 (of 4) maximum security prison. Unbeknownst to me, the supervisors of my program phoned all my colleagues and ordered them to return home for their personal safety. Everyone except me. My phone was working, I was know to be in the prison, etc. Because I was known in the prison, I continued to work the full week, where it was tense, emotional, creepy. Inmates cheered the murder and corrections officers assaulted inmates. Trust me, I shouldn’t have been there. Upon return home and returning to the office, I was asked where I had been. I told them and my colleagues were shocked: “Didn’t you get the call?” Obviously not. It was disconcerting, to say the least, that I could be unaccounted for a full work week under a state-wide emergency conditions. At the staff meeting I made a very emphatic point about being left behind (a supervisor insisted she called & I immediately had my officemate call my cell phone to show it was operating), and I complained about not having the proper safety equipment (e.g. stab-proof vest), or the information necessary to make safety decisions in my best interest. The director said we will take this to a committee, and I said I would take it to my Union. Little of this has been resolved. 5 months later, I made a half-ass application for a supervisory position one hour before the process closed. I am by far the best trained and best experienced clinician in the program. The only other person who applied was a woman who is a knucklehead, no sense of evidenced-based medicine, uses “crystals”, “breath work,” shares personal information with sociopathic inmates trying to have a “connecting moment.” I believe they were pissed that I applied. This past thursday, I was called into the director’s office and served with “Written Warning” for “insubordination & unprofessional behaviour” because of the January staff meeting. When inquired why it took from January until June, they stated they had been too busy. Some of the issues included that I had called the supervisor “a name.” Whe I inquired as what it was, she stated, “naive.” The director asked if I was bold enough to tell the chairman of the Dept. of Psychiatry he was naive, and I responded “only if he were naive.” They were dramatically outraged. I offered to poll my peers as to their opinion, and was refused, and then suggested I would consult my attorney to depose everyone of my peers. At that point they were a bit more, shall we say, congenial. “Let’s not turn this into something contentious…” I ended this bullshit by saying, “You are playing me for a motherfucking fool; like I’m some chump from the street. Give me the paper and I’m gone.” They can’t fire me, but I certainly can’t be a supervisor with a disciplinary action. I’m no instigator, but don’t fuck with me.”

Stupid Things Overheard

Girl #1: You know how I knew I was back home? I saw a Duane Reade.

Girl #2: Yeah, they don’t have those out there.

Girl #1: No, actually, you know how I knew I was home? I saw a crackhead on my block jerking off as he was walking. Then, I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m home.’

Stupid Things Overheard

Cashier to employee: They didn’t make you take a math test? When I was a bank teller they tested everyone to make sure you could do math at an eighth grade level. I guess they stopped doing it ’cause too many people failed.

Stupid Customers

Tech Support: “Ok, let’s put your operating system disk in the drive.”

Customer: “Ok…which way does it go in?”

Tech Support: “The shiny side faces down.”

Customer: “Alright…um…which way is down.”

Tech Support: (rolling eyes) “Towards the floor.”

Customer: “Ahhh…so what way does the other side face?”

Tech Support: “Are you kidding?”

Customer: (outraged) “Hey! I’m not a computer genius, ok? That’s why I called you!”

Tech Support: “Ok, that side faces down too.”

That kept her occupied for a couple of minutes, while I told my colleagues what was happening and we had a good laugh.