Stupid Tech Support

e’s a silly incident which happened to me when I was trying to renew my account in a local ISP in Malaysia. I was trying to renew my account, and after consulting my computer dealer, I had to do it through the bank. Two days after I sent the money, I checked if my account was rebalanced and renewed. It wasn’t. My account had been terminated once last year — I was not even informed, and I only knew this after a ten minute session with technical support. I wasn’t enthusiastic about seeing another reoccurence, so I sent a message to the ISP, stating, “I reviewed my account but it seemed that it had not been updated yet. Please do it so as it may be an inconvenience if my account is terminated without notice again like the last time.”

It may apparently be a simple request, but the ISP botched it. They thought I was asking them to terminate my account — and send a notice about it. I was given a notice politely telling me that my account would be terminated within three days.

Stupid Customers

Tech Support: “Thank you for calling customer service, and how may I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t get it to do.”

Tech Support: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “I can’t get my Internet to do.”

Tech Support: “Let’s check your setup.”

Customer: “Okey dokey.”

Tech Support: “Are you at your desktop?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Tech Support: “Do a double click on the ‘My Computer’ icon.”

Customer: “I don’t see that one.”

Tech Support: “What screen are you on, and what does you desktop look like?”

Customer: “Wood.”

Tech Support: “What’s on your screen, ma’am?”

Customer: “A bunch of names.”

Tech Support: “Like what?”

Customer: “Bill, George, Larry, Jim.”

Tech Support: “What screen are you on?”

Customer: “I am on the one I’m on. I need to go get my daughter. She’s the computer guru of the family.”

Tech Support: “Great, thank you.”

April: “Hi, I’m April, and you are?”

Tech Support: “Mike.”

April: “Mike. Cool, dude.”

Tech Support: “Are you at your desktop?”

April: “You will have to excuse my mother. She’s a little dense.”

Tech Support: “No problem.”

April: “How old are you?”

Tech Support: “300 years old. I’m the ‘Highlander.’ Um, would you do a double click on the ‘My Computer’ icon?”

April: “Sorry, I don’t see that one.”

Tech Support: “What do you see?”

April: “Bill, George, Larry, and Jim.”

Tech Support: “What version of Windows are you using?”

April: “Ninety-something I guess.”

Tech Support: “Erm. Shut down the computer and reboot.”

April: “Ok….” (pause) “Done.”

Tech Support: “What does your screen say?

April: “Bill, Larry, Jim, Barbie, and Wimper.”

Tech Support: “Just for kicks, do a double click on ‘Bill,’ and see what happens.”

April: “What is this?”

Tech Support: “What did it do?”

April: “It now has little folders: modems, devices, etc.”

Tech Support: “Why was your ‘My Computer’ icon named Bill?”

April: “I wanted to name it something cute. Did I screw up?”

Stupid Customers

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.”

Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?”

Customer: “Netscape.”

Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?”

Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?”

Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.”

Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!”

Tech Support: “No sir, I mean the little picture called ‘My Computer’ on your desktop.”

Customer: “I don’t see an icon called that on my desktop. I do see one called that on my screen.”

Tech Support: “Right, just right click that, and choose Properties from the menu.”

Customer: “Right click?”

Tech Support: “Just a moment, sir.” (mutes phone) “AAAAAAAARGH.”

Stupid Laws

Stupid Laws in Alhambra, California

You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.

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Stupid Laws in Arcadia, California

Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.

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Stupid Laws in Baldwin Park, California

Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.

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Stupid Laws in Belvedere, California

City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.