CoWorker: “Got the job. My last day will be December 28.”
Manager: “On the 28th? When do you begin your new job?”
CoWorker: “January 3rd.”
Manager: “Come on, work until the 2nd then”
CoWorker: “Screw you dude I ain’t working Christmas and New Years, you had to work ALL the holidays this year”
Manager: “If you work those days I’ll buy you some Burger King today”
Coworker: Happy birthday! I hope you like the cake, we got it from your neighbor, you know, the the one who makes cakes.
Annoying coworker: No way! You got it from her, I can’t believe you did that!
(a few minutes later)
Annoying coworker: Why is my piece so big? Stop cutting the pieces so big! I want to take some home! It’s my cake!
Coworker: What? Are you serious? It’s for the office, and this is how we always cut the fucking cake.
Annoying coworker: Ugh! Whatever! It’s my birthday! Why can’t I get some cake to take home!
Coworker: Fine! I’ll wrap up the left overs. Jesus Christ!
(later that day)
Coworker: Here’s the rest of your cake.
Annoying coworker: I don’t want it anymore, I’m not going straight home after work, and I don’t want to carry that around.
Coworker, while walking away: Fucking bitch…
Essay question: “How does the work of scientists affect your life today?”
Student’s answer: “For real I would go crazy without my iTouch or my Sidekick. Like I’m really thankful for scientists… Like what if Thomas Edison hadn’t gone outside and got hit by lightning when he was flying his kite with a key on it… We would not have electricity without him testing his invention.”
(at a buffet-style restaurant where customers line up for the food.)
Manager: “Can you go refill the napkins? We’re all out.”
(I walk over to the line wearing my work uniform and my ID card prominently displayed.)
Me: “Excuse me, I just need to refill the napkins.”
Customer: “No problem.”
Customer #2: “Why the f*** does everyone keep cutting the line?”
Me: “Sir, I work here. I am just refilling the napkins.”
Customer #2: “Well, that is no excuse! If you work here, you should know to wait your turn!”