Stupid Salespeople

Customer: “What does ‘dual-core’ mean?”

Salesman: “It basically means you have two computers in one. It also means you can plug your laptop into it.”

Stupid Customers

I work at a store that sells area rugs. Here was a phone call I had:

Me: “[Store], this is [name].”

Customer on Phone: “Hello? I have a question. Can you help me?”

Me: “Yes, what is your question?”

Customer on Phone: “I can’t get it to stay up!”

Me: “Umm,okay. What do you mean?”

Customer on Phone: “My area rug! It’s old & I love this rug, but recently I can’t get it to stay up. The…what are they called? Fibers? They are all crushed and won’t stay up!”

Me: “Oh, I see.”

Customer on Phone: “I have been vacuuming it on all the different settings. It’s not as stiff and thick as it used to be. No matter how hard I suck, it just won’t stay up!”

Me: *trying to stay composed* “Alright, well that does tend to happen with age. Rugs tend to get pile-crushing after long periods of heavy traffic.”

Customer on Phone: “So, you’re telling me I can’t get it up because it’s old?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is exactly what I’m telling you.”

(I manage to keep it together for the rest of the conversation. However, my manager, who can hear the entire exchange, is cracking-up next to me the entire time)

Stupid Customers

Customer: “I’d like 50 Christmas stamps, please.”

Me: “What denomination?”

Customer: *befuddled* “Oh, my, has it come to this? Um, give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 of the Baptists.”

Stupid Customers

Me: “Hello. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a grilled cheese without the bread.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Our grilled cheese only comes on bread.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t like bread. Your menu says I can have a grilled cheese, and I want it without bread!”

Me: “Okay, I will be right back with that.”

(I walk into the kitchen, and tell the cook the request. She puts two slices of cheese on a plate, and microwaves it. I then take it out to the Customer.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “What is this? This isn’t a grilled cheese. Where are the grill marks?”