Customer: So, do you work here?
Supervisor: No.
(customer walks away)
Supervisor to me: If she had asked if I were employed here, I would have said yes.
Stupid Customers
(I have a sticker on my car that reads “Caution: Driver Singing”. I pulled up into work when a customer tapped me on the shoulder.)
Customer: “Hey.”
Me: “Um, hi?”
Customer: “I thought so! You’re that girl with the singing bumper sticker, aren’t you?”
Me: “Oh! Yes, I am.”
Customer: “I passed you in the parking lot at yesterday. You weren’t singing.”
Me: “Oh, well, I’ve had a sore throat.”
Customer: *completely serious* “You should always be singing, you know.”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “In a car like that, you should always be singing so your sticker doesn’t lie!”
Me: “Well, the other day when you passed me? I was humming.”
Customer: *perfectly happy again* “Oh, really? Well, that’s alright then!”
Stupid Things Overheard
Female admin assistant: You know how anal I get when it comes to your work.
Male property manager: It’s okay, I love anal!
(coworkers laugh)
Male property manager: Well… That didn’t come out right.
Stupid Customers
Customer: “Hi, I need to get a refund for this book. You gave me the wrong book.”
Me: “Didn’t you ask for Dracula?”
Customer: “No! I read this book and it is nothing like the movie.”
Me: “Actually, Francis Ford Coppola completely re-wrote the story when he filmed his version of Dracula. I can help you find that version, if you’d like.”
Customer: “No! I want the Van Helsing version.”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Customer: “Yeah, in Van Helsing, Van Helsing is the main character and he fights Dracula and Frankenstein.”
Me: “That film is a complete work of fiction. Van Helsing never fought Frankenstein or Frankenstein’s monster.”
Customer: “Yes he did! The movie said so! What do you know?”
Me: “Bram Stroker was a little boy when Mary Shelley died, so she never read Dracula.”
Customer: “I think you are lying. The movie and Hugh Jackman would never lie!” *storms off*
Customer #2: *overhearing* “I hate Hollywood.”