Me: “Thank you for calling ****. Can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I ordered some food and I need a refund.”
Me: “Of course – can you please explain what the matter with your food was?”
Customer: “Well, I drove it home and put it on the counter. My husband asked me to help him rake up some leaves. When I got back in, the dog had gotten up on the counter and eaten everything.”
Me: “You want me to replace the food your dog ate?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “…”
Stupid Laws in Florida
Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence.
Corrupting the public morals is defined as a nuisance, and is declared a misdemeanor offense.
It is illegal to sell your children.
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
Mid-size corporation in central Texas. I’ll start with the company Christmas party. We were “told” to clock out at 3:30p, forcing us to donate our time and attendance while the ‘boss’ delegated responsibilities in helping with games, food (we each had to bring 2 dishes or desserts) and clean up for 100+ employees. To make sure the worker bees attended, he withheld paychecks until an hour after the party started. The prizes given out were from his OWN pawn shop store (can you say write off?) He did invite a soldier and his family to attend .. oh, and he made sure 2 camera crews were there as well .. to document his ‘giving back’ to the community and his gift-giving generosity.
Difference between this story and some of the others is .. when I clocked out .. I went home. I did not attend the party. My time is MY TIME. I refuse to work for nothing. A selfless act is one thing .. but it should be voluntary .. not mandatory. Let me know what you think of this “boss”.
Paralegal: What color is mozzarella?
Office manager: White, why?
Paralegal: Ummm…I’m going to need an extra bag, I am cleaning the fridge and that bag of mozzarella is like dark brown and green, and I don’t mean spots…
Office manager: Uh-uh, here. (hands over bag) I hope it doesn’t start moving.
(paralegal laughs and heads toward kitchen)
Paralegal (one minute later): Hey, what color is kiwi suppose to be?