Stupid Students

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays…

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.

“””””

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Stupid Students

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays…

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Stupid Criminals

PARIS – What’s a television without its remote control? Not much, decided a thief in southwestern France who returned to the home from which he had just stolen a TV to pick up the remote control — and was arrested.

The man robbed a retiree’s house in the village of Mussidan, taking the TV set and some hunting rifles, police said. While the owner was reporting the theft at the local police station, the thief returned.

Alert neighbors tipped off the police and they caught the man red-handed.

“He came back to take the remote control,” a local police spokesman said. “I guess there’s daring and there’s stupid.”

Stupid Criminals

SYDNEY – An Australian driver threatened police with a live snake after he was pulled over for a breath test for driving under the influence of alcohol, police said on Monday.

The driver in the outback Northern Territory was stopped on Saturday night by police just outside the city of Darwin after they saw him swerving, police said in a statement.

After registering a blood alcohol level well over the legal limit, the man ran onto the road and picked up a live snake.

“The driver allegedly armed himself with a live snake, pointed the head of the reptile at them and threatened them,” said police.

Police told the man to drop the snake, but he ran into bushland still carrying it. The man has been charged with drunken driving and will appear in the Darwin Magistrates Court.