CoWorker #1: Your body can burn like 5000 calories from breastfeeding in a day.
CoWorker #2: Oh, wow! Can you like breastfeed even if you don’t have a baby? That would be a great way to burn calories!
CoWorker #1: Yeah, not sure you would want to… Your boobs will get really big, and you are already big enough.
CoWorker #2: Why do they get so big?
CoWorker #1: Because they are full of milk!
Really Old Coworker #1: What’s that girls first name?
Really Old Coworker #2: Who?
Really Old Coworker #1: Jennifer.
Really Old Coworker #2: It’s “Jennifer.”
Really Old Coworker #1: Thanks!
Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”
Student: *dismayed response* “Yeah, I want to check on my student loans request.”
Me: “Sure thing. Can I get a student ID number?”
Student: “I don’t got one.”
Me: “Can I have your first and last name?”
Student: “Yeah.”
(There’s an awkward silence as he doesn’t say anything.)
Me: “Sir, may I get your first and last name?”
Student: *gives name*
(I search for the student, but can’t find him.)
Me: “Sir, are you a student here?”
Student: “I ain’t got time for this! I want my money!”
Me: “Sir, you have to be a student to get student loans.”
Student: *shocked* “Oh, shit, really?”
Me: Ma’am, do you have a firewall?
Clueless caller: Yes, the chimney is to my left.
Me: No, no.. On your computer, is there a firewall?
Clueless: The computer is against a wall..
Me: Um. Oh, I know, do you have McAfee?
Clueless caller, excitedly: Yeah, yeah, I have that!
Me: Okay. Well, that’s a firewall.