I work for a large ISP. In the middle of a call, suddenly there was a piercing high pitched beeping noise in the background.
Me: “What is that noise?”
Customer: “Hey Martinez!! I’m on the phone! Cut it out!”
Me: “What was that?”
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
Me: “What is that noise?”
Customer: “It’s from a device.”
Me: “What kind of device?”
Customer: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Like a fax machine or something?”
Customer: “I don’t know. Someone is under house arrest or something.”
I was an IBM tech at the time. A customer called in with a complex problem. During the course of the call I could hear, in the background, a screeching wail. I tried to ignore it, but it was distracting, and later I began to get worried about what sort of thing was going on there. About five minutes into the call I considered putting the customer on hold and calling the police when the customer asked if I was wondering what the noise in the background was. She said, “I work in an opera school, and that particular student is excessively terrible at singing.” I had to put the customer on hold until I stopped laughing.
Tech Support: “ISP tech support, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes I was wondering if you could help me?”
Tech Support: “Well I can certainly try.”
Customer: “Do you know those 55 gallon drums that they hold oil in?”
Tech Support: (blink) “Yes…I believe so.”
Customer: “The ones that they have for trash cans at some places, but they originally have oil in them?”
Tech Support: “Ok, sir, I know what you are talking about.”
Customer: “Well I was wondering if you could tell me why they chose that number?”
Tech Support: “What number, sir?”
Customer: “55.”
Tech Support: “Sir, this is technical support for the Internet.”
Customer: “Yes, I know.”
Tech Support: “I am sorry sir, I guess I am just confused on how you think that I can help you.”
Customer: “Well can you look it up and maybe put it on your web page?”
Tech Support: “No sir, I really couldn’t. I don’t have that type of time on my hands, nor would my system administrator allow me to put that sort of information up on our company web site.”
Customer: “Ohh, ok.”
Tech Support: “Have you tried searching the Internet yourself?”
Customer: “Yes. I am not very good at that sort of thing.”
Tech Support: “I am sorry, sir — there is nothing that I can do from here.”
Customer: “Well, if you happen to come across it could you let me know?”
Tech Support: “Yeah, uh-huh, ok. If I find that I will let you know. Have a good day.”
Tech Support: “How may I help you today, sir?”
Customer: “Hello…hey, er…I think I’ve got the wrong software installed in my computer.”
Tech Support: “Why is that, sir?”
Customer: “I bought this minitower system from you, and it came loaded with software called the ‘XYZ Desktop’.”
Tech Support: “Yes…?”
Customer: “Shouldn’t it be called the ‘XYZ Minitower’? I OBVIOUSLY have the wrong software installed in this computer.”