Me: “What type of internet do you have?”
Customer: “Internet Explorer.”
Me: “No, sorry, I meant what type of internet, like your ISP?”
Customer: “Internet.”
Me: “No, what type.”
Customer: “Uh…modem?”
Me: “What kind of modem?”
Customer: “Black.”
Me: “Is it plugged into a phone cable or a coaxial cable? Like a cable you’d plug into your TV.”
Customer: “It’s plugged in to…the wall.”
(A little boy is about to go off the high dive when I stop him. His grandmother, upset, approaches and questions me.)
Grandmother: “Why won’t you let my grandson swim?”
Me: “We don’t believe he is a strong enough swimmer to be safe in the deep end.”
Grandmother: “So can he just go off the high dive?”
Me: “No, if he went off the high dive, he would most likely drown.”
Grandmother: “Well, you are a lifeguard! Isn’t it your job to stop him from drowning? You are discriminating against my grandchildren! You lifeguards are just lazy!”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, just slide your card and either select credit or enter your PIN.”
Customer: “It says credit. This is a debit.”
Me: “I know, ma’am. Just enter your PIN for debit.”
Customer: “But it says credit!”
Me: “I know, just put in your PIN like on any debit machine.”
Customer: “But the button on the screen says credit!”
(Seeing no end to this conversation, I put my hand over the screen and block her view of it.)
Me: “Okay, now enter your PIN.”
(She does so, and not surprisingly her groceries are paid for.)
(I’m working in layby (AKA layaways) and dealing with the Christmas shopping rush.)
Customer: “Can I organize delivery for this item?”
Me: “We can, but we can’t guarantee it will arrive before Christmas because you didn’t pay it off by the 1st.”
Customer: “What? Are you trying to ruin Christmas? My grandchildren will cry and find out there is no Santa. Nobody told me I had to pay it off by then!”
Me: “I’m sorry, all the terms and conditions of the layby were printed on your receipt…” *I point it out on the receipt* “See, right here, above where you signed to say that accepted them.”
Customer: “But nobody TOLD me to read them!”