Several Months Ago, One of My Officers Was Dispatched to a Local Grocery Store in Regard to a Burglary Which Had Just Occurred. The Officer Gathered a Description of the Suspect and Broadcast it to Responding Officers. It Was Later Learned the Suspect Had Taken Several Cans of Coffee. Two Solo Officers and Myself Later Arrived in the Front of the Store and Were Waiting to Speak with the Reporting Officer When He Exited the Store. We Now Had Four Police Units Parked Directly in Front of the Store. To Our Suprise, We Saw a Subject Matching the Description of Our Suspect Approaching the Store on a Bike. The Suspect Rode in Front of the Store and Crashed into a Water Dispenser. This Caught the Attention of All Those Around. He Managed to Upright Himself and Again Began to Ride Toward the Entrance of the Store. This Time He Went Approximately Five Feet Before He Crashed into a Soda Machine. (Turns out the Suspect Was under the Influence of Heroin and Alcohol). As Amazed as I Was, I Was Able to Radio to the Reporting Officer to Tell Him the Suspect Was about to Enter the Store. The Suspect Saw the Officer Inside to the Store but Continued Through the Door. The Cashier Immediately Identified the Suspect. I Entered the Store Behind the Suspect and Saw the Stolen Coffee Cans Protruding from His Coat Pockets. The Suspect Was Placed under Arrest and Was Found to Be in Possession of a Small Amount of Methamphetamine. When Asked Why He Returned to the Store, the Suspect Stated He Had Left Behind a Drawing He Did Not Want Traced Back to Him. We Located this Drawing Which Had No Identifying Marks on it Which Could Have Lead Us to Our Brilliant Criminal.

Joseph F. Kopronica, a Lorain police officer pulled over a driver early Wednesday because the van she was driving appeared to be out of control. According to his police report, Nancy M. Lang, the 42-year-old driver not only seemed to be intoxicated, but said: “Please give me a break. I’m drunk.” The woman failed sobriety tests. She could not stand on one leg or walk heel-to-toe. The officer told her that she was under arrest, but she replied: “Wait, I can do this.” She then did five jumping jacks, one push-up and started to do a cartwheel, the officer’s report said.

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.