Stupid Bosses

I worked as a copy editor for a real estate magazine and my boss was a horrible person. She’d not only follow me to the bathroom to make sure that was where I was going, but she’d listen into my phone calls, yell at me for not telling her about my private life (Seriously…she yelled down the hall I had no life when I told her I wasn’t dating anyone in particular). She’d also ask me if I was pregnant every time I had a doctor’s appointment.

I would have told HR, but the ONE person in HR (it was a small company) had made a racist remark at a company lunch and when I complained to her, she ignored my requests to talk for 2 weeks…and then refused to apologize saying that no one else said anything, so I must be “overly sensitive.”

I stayed for a year but quit after coming in 5 minutes late from lunch to my boss ranting and raving that I was a thief, stealing from the company and that I was “walking on thin ice, young lady”

No one calls me young lady unless they were part of my conception. I was out. My boss retired a month after I left. What a hag.

Stupid Customers

Customer: “Does this camera come in different colors? I really want blue.”

Me: “Yes, but I’m sorry… I don’t have any blue ones. I only have black, red, and bronze.”

Customer: “Blue takes better pictures.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yes, my brother takes pictures and says the blue ones are best.”

Me: “Well, to be honest, the color only affects how it looks. It has nothing to do with the performance.”

Customer: “Are you calling my brother a liar?!”

Me: “No, I’m just saying he’s misinformed–”

Customer: “I SAID he’s a photographer and he knows what he’s talking about. He’s been published.”

Me: “I’m sure he has, but I’ve done hundreds of weddings myself and I’ve been selling for years.”

Customer: “Stop it! I want to see the manager.”

(I get my manager and explain the situation.)

Manager: “So, I understand you want a blue camera because it’s supposed to be faster?”

Customer: “Yes, I thought you guys would know that!”

Manager: “You know, I think your brother was mistaken.”

Customer: “But–”

Manager: “Let me explain. You see, sports cars come in all colors, right? You ever notice that they always seem to sell the red ones most? Porsches, Lamborghinis and Corvettes?”

Customer: “Well, yeah…”

Manager: “So, I think it’s an obvious choice.”

Customer: “I’ll take the red one!”

Me: “…”

Stupid Things Overheard

(A mother and her teenage son come through my line…)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything you need?”

Mother: “Yes, we did.”

(I notice she is buying party items, including cups, soda, pizzas, napkins… and condoms.)

Me: “Oh, are you having a party soon?”

Mother: *nods* “My little James is growing up. He’s going to have an orgy with all his little friends, aren’t you Captain Muffinpants?”

Me: *suppresses laughter* “Will that be all?”

Son: “YES! YES THAT WILL BE ALL!” *runs to car*

Stupid CoWorkers

I actually received a phone call from someone claiming to be The Business Manager for a Logistics company wanting to do business with my company. When I told her we were located in Paris Texas, her response was ‘Now, is Texas considered in the South?’ You can imagine my shock – my only repsonse was ‘It just doesnt get any more Southern