Stupid Customers

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is Bill in the breast aesthetics department. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My left boob popped.”

Me: “Okay, so the implant failed?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Are your implants silicone gel or saline?”

Customer: “The water kind.”

Me: “So, we’ve had a saline deflation. I need to ask you some questions in regards to how it may have deflated.”

Customer: “Why, don’t you believe me?”

Me: “Of course I believe you, but as part of making our implants even better and evaluating where under the device’s warranty this falls, I need to know what may have led up to the implant’s leak.”

Customer: “Oh, so you think this is my fault?! You make a crappy implant and you have the nerve to blame me?”

Me: “Wait, wait. First, I didn’t make your implant, my company did. I’m here to help you get this fixed in the fastest way possible and that starts with finding out how the implant deflated.”

Customer: “So you want to know what I did to screw them up, is that right? I spend a fortune on these things to be walking around with a flat tire of a tit and you think it’s my fault?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I simply need to know how to cover this under your warranty, to see how much money we are going to give you to fix the problem. We give you a check for money to fix the problem if you’ll just answer my questions. What do you remember doing when you first noticed the deflation in your breast?”

Customer: “Me and my boyfriend were playing sex hide-and-seek in the house and he thought it would be more fun if my boobs glowed. So, he used a needle tube to insert little red lights into them… what do you call those little glowing lights? It’s like three letters?”

Me: “… A diode?”

Customer: “Yes. He’s a trained professional… he uses them on animals at his job all the time.”

Me: “So, your boyfriend punched a hole in your chest and tried inserting a diode inside the implant?”

Customer: “Well, not in my chest. Just on the top side of my boob so it wouldn’t hurt. He numbed it first.”

Me: “… And this is the implant’s fault, how?”

Customer: “It started leaking and getting flat.”

Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? I’m recording this and no one is going to believe me!”

Customer: *click*

Stupid Criminals

VERO BEACH, Fla. – A McDonald’s cashier called 911 after a Vero Beach drive-thru customer allegedly offered to pay for his meal with marijuana. The Indian River County Sheriff’s Office said the cashier called Monday with a description of the vehicle the suspect had been riding in.

A deputy spotted the vehicle, found marijuana in the car and arrested its occupant, 27-year-old Shawn Alexander Pannullo.

Pannullo was charged with possession of cannabis and posted $500 bail. It was unclear if he had an attorney.

A Sheriff’s report did not say what the suspect ordered at McDonald’s or if he ultimately purchased the meal using something other than marijuana.

Stupid Bosses

My ex boss had me driving every day to different jobsites saying that he would reimburse me for gas. He also had me do non-related work like mowing his lawn and what not. I have yet to recieve a payment, and it has been over a year now since I have worked for him. To be exact, I drove nearly 3500 miles for work purposes, not including home to work type driving, and wasted my hard earned money on gas on his behalf. $7.00 an hour does not work well with gas, or vehicle servicing costs, even when you are a DIYer.

Stupid Bosses

I worked as a copy editor for a real estate magazine and my boss was a horrible person. She’d not only follow me to the bathroom to make sure that was where I was going, but she’d listen into my phone calls, yell at me for not telling her about my private life (Seriously…she yelled down the hall I had no life when I told her I wasn’t dating anyone in particular). She’d also ask me if I was pregnant every time I had a doctor’s appointment.

I would have told HR, but the ONE person in HR (it was a small company) had made a racist remark at a company lunch and when I complained to her, she ignored my requests to talk for 2 weeks…and then refused to apologize saying that no one else said anything, so I must be “overly sensitive.”

I stayed for a year but quit after coming in 5 minutes late from lunch to my boss ranting and raving that I was a thief, stealing from the company and that I was “walking on thin ice, young lady”

No one calls me young lady unless they were part of my conception. I was out. My boss retired a month after I left. What a hag.