Stupid CoWorkers

* Help Desk: “How can I help you?”

* Employee: “I need my left-handed mouse.”

* Help Desk: “I’m sorry, we don’t have special mice for left or right hands.”

* Employee: “The mouse at the old building was left-handed, and I need one of those.”

After much discussion, a technician was sent out to the employee’s cubicle. Upon his return….

* Help Desk: “Did you fix her issue?”

* Technician: “Yeah.”

* Help Desk: “What was it?”

* Technician: “I took out the mouseball, rotated it 180 degrees, and put it back in. It made her happy.”

Stupid Bosses

I don’t even know where to begin.

My company applies for government grants that deal with health care. My boss claims he does this because he has strong feelings about this and is dedicated to improving health care, etc., stuff like that.

Every time a grant is passed, he gives himself a 40K raise. He’s up to 180K a year, when six months ago he was at 100. Meanwhile, not one employee here has gotten a raise (while strategically not giving anyone a formal job description so that way nobody can say no to his whims).

Not one of our projects have actually been produced. Every time we attempt to move forward, he deftly stops it by introducing another idea in which everything we’ve been working on is scrapped (sometimes months worth), and he claims it’s because he wants absolute perfection. His ideas are changed on whim, you can tell he walks into meetings without reading the emails that lead up to it, and he loves to remind everybody (in any way possible) that he is the boss- yet he refuses to make decisions (or any other real ‘boss’ responsibilities) on anything and tries to pass off all of the tough choices on everybody else (making his employees ‘vote’ for things as a general consensus when the decision in question has nothing to do with us, nor do we care…). Pretty much, he loves being a boss in title only, and is pretty useless otherwise.

Reminds me of a bratty, only child who’s socially inhibited.

By now we’re all suspicious- it’s so obvious he doesn’t give a crap about health care and his ideas are so ridiculous, he either doesn’t have any logic at all or he just.. doesn’t care as long as the grants keep coming. Can I report this to someone? This is our tax money that’s paying him…

Stupid Customers

(Note: We always give a proof to customers prior to printing to make sure they get what they want, then follow up with a phone call.)

Me: “Hi, did you get the proof?”

Customer: “Yes, go ahead and run the job.”

Me: “Okay. Thanks.”

(I print her stuff and have it delivered. She calls about an hour later.)

Customer: “I got my stuff but it’s wrong!”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “The color’s all wrong!”

Me: “But I printed them exactly like the proof! Didn’t you say you got the proof and you approved it?”

Customer: “I’m supposed to LOOK at the proof?!”

Stupid CoWorkers

Co-Worker: “When I try to send e-mail, the whole Internet shuts down!”