Assistant #1: Do you know what they used to use to get the color in red velvet cake?
Assistant #2: Blood?
Assistant #1: No. Beets.
Assistant #2: That’s disgusting.
Supervisor: Compared to your guess?
Stupid Customers
(A customer and his wife come in to find an outfit for her to wear. He seems particularly interested in one that’s being worn by a mannequin.)
Me: “Can I help you, sir?”
Customer: “I was wondering if you have the outfit on the mannequin?”
Me: “Unfortunately, I sold the last one earlier today. The one the mannequin is wearing is the only one I have.”
Customer: “Well, why can’t you just give me that one then?”
Me: “I can, but I do have another almost identical outfit in stock.”
Customer: “No, I want that one!”
Me: “Okay, sir.”
(I start dragging the mannequin to the back.)
Customer: “Where are you going?”
Me: “City law says I can’t undress her in front of the windows, sir.”
Customer: “Well, why can’t I have that one?”
Me: “Sir?”
Customer: “I want the one on the mannequin!”
Me: “That’s what I’m doing sir.”
Customer: “I WANT THE ONE ON THE MANNEQUIN!”
(His wife suddenly appears from another part of the store.)
Customer’s wife: “He just wants to see the mannequin naked.”
Stupid Customers
Customer: “Can I have the breakfast sandwich without tomato, please?”
Me: “Sorry, sir, but the sandwich is pre-made. You can just take the tomato off it, if you want.”
Customer: “No! I’m extremely allergic to tomatoes. That could kill me!”
Me: “Well, if you want to wait five minutes or so, I’ll make you one special without tomatoes.”
Customer: “That would be great.”
(I go to the kitchen, wash everything that might have touched a tomato, and make the guy a sandwich. I come back out and hand it to him.)
Customer: “Thanks. You got any ketchup?”
Stupid CoWorkers
Our last receptionist called me to complain that the keys on her new keyboard were hard to push. She asked me to install a program to “soften up her keyboard keys.”