Stupid Customers

Caller: “I hope this won’t take much time.”

Me: “It won’t, ma’am, it’s only a few simple steps. First of all, I need you to double click on My Computer.”

Caller: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Ma’am, our records show you running a Windows computer. Has that changed?”

Caller: “I don’t think so.”

Me: “Okay, now just double click on My Computer for me please.”

Caller: “How can I do that?”

Me: “It should be right there in front of you. Make sure all other windows are closed down and you should, hopefully, see it in the top left corner.”

Caller: “How am I suppose to click on your computer? You must be like hundreds of miles away!”

Stupid Things Overheard

Buyer: Let me give you my e-mail address and you can forward me the information.

Vendor: Okay, give it to me.

Buyer: m-o-l-i-n-a…

Vendor: Okay, I’ma send that to you.

Buyer: Um, sir, I need to give you the rest of my e-mail address.

Stupid Customers

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “Is this a joke?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”

Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”

Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”

Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”

Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”

Stupid Customers

(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “Find everything you need today?”

Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”

Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”

Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”

Me: “No, just bilingual.”

Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”