Customer: “Could you tell me if this store is bisexual?”
Me: “Uh…”
Customer: “You know, like men’s clothes and women’s clothes together?”
Me: “Unisex? Yes, ma’am, the store is unisex.”
Customer: “Oh, good. Do you go both ways?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can help you with all your purchases.”
Customer: Good morning. How may I direct your call?
CoWorkers: I’m looking for Dick. I mean, I’m looking for a dick. I mean, I’m looking for someone named Dick.
Stupid Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”
Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”
Stupid Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”
Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”
Stupid Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”
Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”
Stupid Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”
(I give up and hand her an iced tea.)
Stupid Customer, turning to a friend: *excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”
Stupid CoWorkers #1: So your sister had surgery?
Stupid CoWorkers #2: Yeah, she had a hysterectomy.
Stupid CoWorkers #1: Oh, wow, so she don’t want more kids.
Stupid CoWorkers #2: Well, she had a c-section with the last one and there was so much scar tissue in her uterus that she was having never-ending periods and just bleeding for months on end. She said she was not doing anything but bleeding and passing golf ball-sized clots and ruining her furniture, clothes, sheets. She was tired of having really bloody periods.
Stupid CoWorkers #1: Oh.