CoWorker’s Birthday

CoWorker #1: It’s my birthday today!

CoWorker #2: Happy Birthday! It’s my little sister’s b-day too, she’s turning 12.

CoWorker #1: So cool. Is she your mom’s first child?

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New CoWorker

New CoWorker: Some man put all these files right on my desk. Isn’t there an employee here to take care of all this petty stuff?

Old CoWorker: Yes there is, You.

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Stupid Customer calls me fat

So, I am helping a customer load 30 40 pound bags of topsoil into her pickup. While doing this she is playing on her iphone. By the thirtieth bag I am sweating my ass off and out of breath. After I’m done I close her tailgate on her pickup and said “All done! Have a good day!”, but she does not say thank you, she give me this instead:

Customer: “You are pretty overweight aren’t you”

Me: “……”

Customer: “If you lose some of that fat, you would be less out of breath.”

Me: “Ummm, I have asthma, lady.”

Customer: *completely ignoring what I said* “That is the problem with your generation; your parents let you eat to much fatty foods instead of practicing a little restraint. Which is why there is so much child obesity these days.”

Me: “I’m 32 years old, and while I’ll admit I have some extra pounds, I would hardly consider myself obese, thank you. Also, it’s not the eating of fatty that makes me the way I am, but all the beer drinking I have to do after work each day to cope with situations such as this one.”

Customer: “oooookay. Have a nice evening”

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Stupid CoWorkers

Cubicle Girl: I heard she lost custody because she injected her kid with Botox for all those beauty pageants she attends.

Cubicle Guy: What? Botox? I bet her daughter didn’t look surprised at all.

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