Stupid Criminals

Several Months Ago, One of My Officers Was Dispatched to a Local Grocery Store in Regard to a Burglary Which Had Just Occurred. The Officer Gathered a Description of the Suspect and Broadcast it to Responding Officers. It Was Later Learned the Suspect Had Taken Several Cans of Coffee. Two Solo Officers and Myself Later Arrived in the Front of the Store and Were Waiting to Speak with the Reporting Officer When He Exited the Store. We Now Had Four Police Units Parked Directly in Front of the Store. To Our Suprise, We Saw a Subject Matching the Description of Our Suspect Approaching the Store on a Bike. The Suspect Rode in Front of the Store and Crashed into a Water Dispenser. This Caught the Attention of All Those Around. He Managed to Upright Himself and Again Began to Ride Toward the Entrance of the Store. This Time He Went Approximately Five Feet Before He Crashed into a Soda Machine. (Turns out the Suspect Was under the Influence of Heroin and Alcohol). As Amazed as I Was, I Was Able to Radio to the Reporting Officer to Tell Him the Suspect Was about to Enter the Store. The Suspect Saw the Officer Inside to the Store but Continued Through the Door. The Cashier Immediately Identified the Suspect. I Entered the Store Behind the Suspect and Saw the Stolen Coffee Cans Protruding from His Coat Pockets. The Suspect Was Placed under Arrest and Was Found to Be in Possession of a Small Amount of Methamphetamine. When Asked Why He Returned to the Store, the Suspect Stated He Had Left Behind a Drawing He Did Not Want Traced Back to Him. We Located this Drawing Which Had No Identifying Marks on it Which Could Have Lead Us to Our Brilliant Criminal.

Stupid Tech Support

Customer: “YOU GAVE ME A VIRUS!”

Tech Support: “I don’t think I’ve got a virus.”

Customer: “Go download [a brand of virus checker], and you’ll see.”

Sometime later I dutifully ran the checker.

Tech Support: “Ok, I ran it. No virus.”

Customer: “You MUST have a virus. You gave it to me. It was all over my system. You must not have run the checker properly.” (yell, rant, rave, repeat checks, etc)

Tech Support: “How did I give it to you?”

Customer: “On those floppies with the latest revision of the software you wrote.”

Tech Support: “The ones you just returned?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Tech Support: “Just a sec…let me check those.” (pause) “Well, I found a virus on the disks. Ahem…seems you were about to pass a virus on to ME.”

Customer: “Ah…lemme get back to you.” (click)

Stupid Customers

Me: “DSL is a lot faster. It–”

Friend’s Father: “Yeah, but if you have DSL, there are a lot of threats.”

Me: “Yes, that’s true to a degree, but there are firewalls that–”

Friend’s Father: “No, but they can hack into your computer even when it’s off and steal your electricity.”

Me: “Umm…I’m pretty sure that won’t happen.”

Friend’s Father: “It’s all over the news. You mean to tell me they’re wrong?”

Me: “…I guess so.”

“““““

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Stupid CoWorkers

About two years ago, I was asked to run a virus scan on one company’s network of computers. I did and I found a simple harmless virus on each computer in the network. After I reported that to the company’s officials, they gasped (literally), then thanked me, then asked me to leave despite my offers to remove the virus with the anti-virus program. The next day, I found out that they formatted every single hard drive of every computer, backing up only the most important data.