Stupid Customers

An elderly woman called, furious.

Tech Support: “How can I help you ma’am?”

Customer: “You had better help me!”

Tech Support: “That’s why they pay me!”

Customer: “Don’t get smart with me!”

Tech Support: “Of course, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been waiting for quite some time!”

Tech Support: “Yes ma’am, our current wait is about twenty minutes. It usually isn’t that bad.”

Customer: (yelling) “Twenty minutes! I’ve been waiting three days!”

Tech Support: “You’ve defied sleep and other bodily functions for a full 72 hours?”

Isn’t it wonderful when they get vague? Turns out she clicked on the “Help” button in Word or something three days prior and was waiting for us to call her…despite the fact that her computer had no modem and was not near a telephone line.

Stupid Students

Excerpt from a student essay…

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

Your Superhero Co-workers

The Riddler: You never really understand this type of co-worker. Sometimes he’s nice, sometimes unfriendly, sometimes knowledgeable, and sometimes dumb. The Riddler smokes and drinks and eats, but so irregularly that you wonder if he’s a smoker, or a drinker (or an eater).

Invisible Woman: The Invisible Woman (pictured below) is largely unnoticed in your office. She’s on the payroll, so everyone understands she’s somehow doing a good job, though no one understands exactly what this job is. Invisible Woman will avoid all after-work socialization, quietly leaving when work is done. The Invisible Woman doesn’t need to call in sick as no one will notice her missing anyway.

The Punisher: The Punisher is usually higher up in the hierarchy as he likes to bully people. When you did something wrong, The Punisher arrives on the scene to make you feel it by use of excessive force. Sometimes, when there’s two Punishers in one office, a no holds barred battle is going to erupt.

Stupid Bosses

I worked as a computer tech for an insurance company. One day I received a call from supervisor on the sales floor.

Me: “Hello, IT.”

Supervisor: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello?”

Supervisor: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello?”

The phone went dead. I put the phone down, and it rang again.

Me: “Hello, IT.”

Supervisor: “Hello, did you just ring me?”

Me: “No you rang me.”

Supervisor: “Did I? Oh, well, the reason I’m ringing now is because you couldn’t hear me when I rang you before.”

Me: “Yes I could.”

Supervisor: “No you couldn’t.”

Me: “Yes I could.”

Supervisor: “No you couldn’t.”

Me: “Believe me, I could.”

Supervisor: “Can you hear me now?”

Me: “Yes, of course I can.”

Supervisor: “Oh, that’s all right then. Catch you later.”

“““““

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